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Washington, D.C. - Included in the list of wanted
terrorists named by Attorney General John Ashcroft Wednesday
was a mostly incomplete description of a possible terrorist
or terrorist sympathizer described as "a sexy, blond
Arab-American seductress" last seen in the Cocoa Beach
section of Florida.
"Unfortunately, we don't have a last name at this time
but we are told she may go by the alias 'Jeannie,'" Ashcroft
warned. "Because she's beautiful and American-looking,
she has the uncanny ability to blend into middle class suburban
neighborhoods while planning her next attack. Don't be fooled
by this Arab temptress. She's trouble. Big trouble."
According to the FBI terror warning, Jeannie is blond and
wears a traditional Arab gown --unless she's shopping or doing
errands, where she usually prefers miniskirts. She may also
be disguised as Persian rug salesman.
The terrorist suspect, thought to originate from the Ali
Baba section of Baghdad, raised the suspicions of officials
last week after it was discovered she married a former astronaut
and officer in the U.S. Air Force during a non-legal cermony
lacking any kind of birth certificate or passport.
"She may have access to top secret documents which she
may be selling to insurgents in Baghdad," Ashcroft said.
"We must find this woman before it's too late."
According to sources, the former astronaut and common-law
husband of Jeannie, whose name is being withheld for security
reasons, has had a decades-long record of erratic behavior
and may also be named in the investigation.
"This certainly would explain a lot of his strange behavior,"
said U.S. Air Force Senior Psychiatrist Col. Alfred Bellows,
whose 250,000 page psychological report to General Peterson
includes many references to Arabs and Iraqis, as well as the
strange appearance of elephants grazing in the living room.
"Jeannie may also have an evil twin sister, bearing
the same name but with brunette hair," Ashcroft said.
"They may be traveling together -- but probably not.
We consider them both armed, dangerous and very very hot."
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Top:
Last known photo of Jeannie with unnamed astronaut. Bottom:
Jeannie's sister is also called "Jeannie," except
she is a brunette and much, much meaner.
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