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WASHINGTON –– FBI Director Robert Mueller issued
a new terror alert Tuesday after Homeland Security Director
Tom Ridge "took a nasty header" on the slippery
floor of the senatorial chamber bathroom.
The most recent in a series of Bureau warnings was published
on the FBI's National Infrastructure Protection Center website
and e-mailed to over three thousand American banks, shopping
centers and supermarkets in "what we believe to be an
appropriate level of caution," FBI spokeswoman Diana
Tyreman said.
Labeled "for informational purposes only," the
warning urged citizens to be alert for signs, including excessive
shiny-ness, mops and/or buckets in vicinity, footwear with
minimal tread and portable radios tuned to Spanish language
stations. As always, it recommends using caution and contacting
authorities if you witness suspicious activity.
"This is no indication that something specific might
happen," Tyreman said. "We have simply reached out
to the community to be on the lookout. So, for the love of
Christ, watch your step."
After an extensive FBI briefing, Director Robert Mueller
stated the information prompting the new warning is considered
less reliable than last week's warning about possible attacks
on America's nuclear power plants but more reliable than yesterday's
warnings regarding exploding falafels.
``We're trying to downplay this,'' said Mueller, "but
I seen a good cop go down on linoleum a few weeks ago, and
it really tore me up inside. Now I know how those New Yorkers
feel."
Developing...
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