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Humor
Links Below
Please
don't use them. Please. I'm asking you nicely. Stay here.
It's nice and warm here. Fine, pants are optional.
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BOB CELEBRATES NEW LEASE ON LIFE WITH NEW
HAIRCUT, SHIRT
 Reprinted
from Bob's private journal June 1, 2002
Dear Journal,
I woke up this morning and after vomiting and
then hitting my head on the toilet, I found that I have ANOTHER,
new lease on life. This one is even better than the last two.
I'm not going to worry about the  fact
that Kim Soo won't accept my phone calls even when I disguise
my voice. I'm going to Hollywood and I'm going to sell my screenplay!
And while I'm there, I'm going to kick the shit out of the website
editors who keep posting my journal on the internet and then I'm
going to burn down the Church of Scientology because of my strong
hatred for celebrity cults. I have to run now. I have a haircut
appointment in a half hour. Joy joy joy!
READ
MORE OF BOB'S JOURNAL»
**New entries 6.12.02**
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 EDITOR'S
RANT
Dear
Minions,
If
you've read Bob's journal this week you'll see that he's coming
to Hollywood to sell his screenplay and then beat the crap
out of us for exploiting him so badly. We can't wait! Actually
that brings me to my exciting news. All that talk about Bob
traveling got us thinking. So, I am hereby announcing the
Bob From Accounting World Tour 2003. Beginning next week,
we are selling locks of Bob's luscious red hair to sponsors
of our tour. For just $5, you will receive a color picture
of Bob, a lock of his hair and a certificate of authenticity
for said hair. If we can raise $100 from your town, we're
coming for a visit in our Winnebago. Get the barn dances ready!
More details to come.
New
columns below and don't forget to send in your questions to
Yu and Debby! Check out the Bob
Dress-up Page if you haven't done so. And you can still
read about my encounter with Tony
Danza here, which is reprinted from the mailing
list. Please sign up!
All
My Love,
Scooter
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 SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG
New
entries 6.12.02
Cruel, Cruel Email From
Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
Send comments or ideas to
Shizzy.
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 1970's
Chinese action star, Jimmy "Yu" Weng Po offers
advice for losers, substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape
Americans. Weekly.
ASK
YU New
Entries 6.12.02
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 Get
dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat
bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks.
Weekly.
Read
Debby's Column New
Entries 6.12.02
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"Summer Winds"
I'm filled with a warm summer glow,
As I watch the gentle sway of the dandelions,
Blowing in the wind the way dandelions do,
Back and forth and then back again,
Dandelions are more than mere weeds,
And people who kill them are wrong,
Because they are pretty,
Like a green pasture, which is also pretty,
But sometimes green pastures smell like poo,
And dandelions smell much nicer
Are you a crappy poet? Send
it in
.
Join
Our Mailing List
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The
Worst-Case Scenario Handbook
Bob Edition Vol.1
Read»
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Man Impresses New Girlfriend by Crying Like Baby During
'Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood' Read
Article»
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AMERICA ON ALERT: WET FLOOR
Read Article»
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N'Sync's
Lance Bass Set to Travel in Space, Search for New, Gayer
Planet Read Article
»
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National
Spelling Bee Winner Prepares For Brutal Beating by Peers
Read Article»
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Bush Announces Drastic Government Reorganization: Right
Wing Conspiracy Office and Jewish Conspiracy Office
Must Now Share Same Workspace
Read Article»
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"Mooseboy"
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Vital Stats
Marital Status: A girl looked at him
once in grade school
Turn Ons: supermodels,
mayonnaise, land mammals, spending time in the woodshed with
father
Turn Offs: Spending
time in the woodshed with Uncle Eddie, Uncle Jake, Aunt Mamie.
Hobbies: Does impersonations of famous
animals throughout history, writes erotica
Claim to Fame: deformed testicles look
exactly like 12 point buck hiding in forest.
I Wish: "I could see my penis
without a mirror"
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