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Hi. Summer is here and as a member of the young generation
that will one day lead this country, I am very concerned about
people who don't use deodorant or who leave babies in locked
cars during the summer when it's like really hot outside.
First of all, even though I'm not a parent myself, I know
a little bit about parenting because my ex-friend Haley Farber
was secretly pregnant last summer and I was the only one she
told. I bought her some parenting books during the "secret
Santa" gift exchange for everyone on the homecoming committee.
For some reason she got all angry and in my face and told
me she had a secret abortion anyway. But before I gave her
the books I happened to read the back cover and looked at
some of the pictures, which were educational even though they
were totally gross.
Anyway, one of the first things a parent should know is that
it's really hot inside a car during the summer and no matter
how much you want to go shopping at the mall, you should take
the babies inside with you even though you might not want
any of the cute guys in the mall to know that you have a baby.
If there's a REALLY hot guy in the mall and you have no other
choice, you should at least crack the window or teach your
baby how to work the locks so you don't have to worry as much.
Having a child is an important responsibility and if you're
not married, you really should only date boys who will love
you even though you have stretch marks and and are all used
and tainted and none of the girls in class will talk to you.
There are lots of other important tips that you should keep
in mind during the hot summer months that don't really have
anything to do with babies.
First, wear lots of deodorant because there is nothing more
disgusting than a smelly boy or girl. My ex-boyfriend Brian
Lemming is a great guy and I hope we can be be platonic friends
someday when he stops having wet dreams about me and telling
Andrea Shultzman about them because she always tells me everything.
Anyway, as a platonic friend, I would feel comfortable telling
Brian Lemming that we might still be going out if he used
deodorant or I didn't hear the rumor that he has skid marks
in his underwear.
During the summer months, it is very, very important to
shower every day and not every three or four days like Brian
Lemming. Fortunately, these are things that people can easily
fix, unlike Brian Lemming's very small penis which is sort
of permanent.
Also, don't forget to drink lots of water during the summer
because it prevents dehydration. It's even more important
for really sweaty people who happen to be overweight like
Tonya Briggs who sweats a lot more than the average girl because
of all those fat rolls, which tend to lock in all the sweat
unlike normal people who don't look like they just took a
shower when they walk up a flight of stairs.
Other than that, summer is for fun and hanging out at the
beach and shopping at the mall without worrying about a baby
you forgot in the car. So please, if you don't have a baby
right now, think about this very carefully before you become
the school skank and then always have to remember where you
leave the baby.
All I am saying is give peace a chance.
Jen Gillis
Sophomore, Camden High School
P.S. GO CAMDEN CHIEFS!
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