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HARLEM, NY - After 11 seasons on television, "Showtime
at the Apollo" has finally run out of crappy, no-talent
black performers and are now actively soliciting outside help.
According to sources, producers made the decision to include
"Whitey" after all other measures failed and they
were forced to showcase yet another homeless troupe of spoon
players.
"I can't believe we lasted as long as we did,"
said "Apollo" Executive Producer Shawana Rucker.
"We searched under every rock for the even the most remote
hint of performance ability, but during last couple of seasons
we knew we're just putting off the inevitable."
Showtime at the Apollo premiered in late-night syndication
in 1991 as way of utilizing the newly renovated New York landmark
theater and celebrating the talents of Blacks and Latinos.
A strict code of barring whites stood until recently, when
they realized the overzealous audience would jeer and throw
tomatoes at white performers, especially the comedians. The
audience ate it up.
"We can be considered the black equivalent of"
Star Search," except instead of that big fat cracker
Ed MacMahon, we got a smooth-as-silk black host that says
things like 'give a lot of love to so and so.' It's a great
American catch phrase and we are so proud to have invented
it.
Rucker says the invitation to Whitey does not mean the end
to undertalented minority performers, but it will be much
more of a mix in the future.
Added Rucker, "But no goddamn ventriloquists. You white
people and your puppets will never soil the legendary Apollo
stage."
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