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NEW YORK CITY--Recent polls indicate that a growing number
of Americans are fearful the current crisis in the Middle
East may prevent the government from implementing an immediate
solution to what has become known as the "David Blaine
Problem."
"This city, let alone this world, isn’t big enough
for David Blaine and the rest of us," said Thomas Rye,
a 42-year-old city mechanical engineer who was blocked from
entry into his Manhattan apartment last month as Blaine astonished
the world with yet another "miracle."
Blaine, best known for his eerie Charles Manson stare, his
friendship with Leonardo DiCaprio and his offbeat brand of
street magic where he does the same three card tricks repeatedly,
is not just getting on the nerves of New Yorkers. No less
than 41 state legislatures have bills pending that would ban
Blaine and any future television specials in their state.
The international community has threatened to follow suit
with their own bans.
"I'm sorry but the guy just annoys the crap out of me,"
admitted South Carolina Governor Jim Hodges. "I realize
the problems in the Mideast are important and we're facing
a tremendous long-term battle against terrorism, but I couldn't
help hoping just a little bit that he would die after the
last stunt."
The Blaine backlash began two years ago after his most famous
publicity stunt, when Blaine had himself encased in a block
of ice for 62 hours while American television viewers watched
him urinate with the aid of a catheter. Adding fuel to the
fire was his most recent feat involving a freefall off a Manhattan
building.
"The guy practically shut down the city because he wanted
to jump off a building onto a huge pile of cardboard boxes,"
said Jennifer Bayer, a midtown resident who witnessed the
recent feat outside her bedroom window. "Oooh, it was
like real magic. He jumped and then he must have magically
created gravity and some wind resistance because any normal
human who jumps into a gigantic pile of boxes would certainly
die."
Not only did Blaine survive, but but within hours of making
several 'I'm in so much pain' noises and being rushed off
in a fake ambulance, he began work on his third, recycled
television special.
"I gotta say, he's even creepier than David Copperfield,"
said David Copperfield's former girlfriend, supermodel Claudia
Schiffer. "And that's saying a heck of a lot."
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