|
 EDITOR'S
RANT
7.3.03 - Remember
when you were a kid and there was always that filthy unloved
kid down the block with the stash of porn and illegal fireworks
in his garage? You know, the hare-lipped kid with the skanky,
promiscuous sister who would charge you five bucks to see
her boobs? Then he would eventually get one of his fingers
blown off during a roman candle mishap and your parents wouldn't
let you play with him because he was a piece of dirty white
trash?
When
I think of the Fourth of July, I think of that kid. This issue
is dedicated to all those unloved white trash kids that have
lost fingers on the Fourth of July and have pimped out their
sisters to friends and neighbors. Thank you for always making
the Fourth of July special for the rest of us, who were only
allowed to play with sparklers or those snap-it things in
a supervised setting.
I
suppose I should at this time also thank our founding fathers,
who during the Second Continental Congress, decided enough
was enough and made a final break from those pompous Limeys
by approving the Declaration of Independence, written almost
entirely by slaveholder Thomas Jefferson.
"We hold these truths to be self evident that all
Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator
with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life,
Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness..."
It
is with great pleasure that I urge you to celebrate our 4th
of July freedoms by lighting fireworks, pimping out your sister
and sodomizing each other for as long as you can stand it.
It's all legal, baby!
Happy
Fourth of July and God Bless America!
Scooter
old
rants, lawsuit threats, letters to my mother, celebrity encounters
|
BFA
HQ— The U.S Supreme Court recently declared laws
banning sodomy between consenting adults unconstitutional,
causing a range of emotions from euphoria to confusion. In
response, the editors of BFA decided to put together a basic
step-by-step guide to sodomy for beginners. 
Charlton
Heston may have Alzheimer's, but he has come out of retirement
one last time for this short film produced by BFA animator
Sheryl Carter, with special emergency funds from the Centers
For Disease Control and our parents.
