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Columbia, SC - Despite last week's Supreme Court ruling
which declared state anti-sodomy laws unconstitutional, Andrea
Capshaw insists that still isn't good enough to give into
demands by longtime boyfriend Brent Toobin.
"Just because the Supreme Court said one individual
sodomy case in Texas was unconstitutional does not mean that
other states can't still attempt to prosecute individuals,"
Capshaw said. "I'm sorry for my boyfriend but as far
as I'm concerned South Carolina law is still South Carolina
law."
Toobin, a first-year law student who tried in vain to explain
that the Supreme Court ruling collectively invalidated anti-sodomy
laws in all states, is now convinced his girlfriend is just
making excuses because she's either "frigid or just lousy
in the sack."
Capshaw disagrees, explaining the ruling might be overturned
or the Justices impeached because the Supreme Court willfully
chose to interfere in areas of state jurisdiction which the
Constitution does not allow it to.
"The 10th Amendment is very clear that unless the Constitution
specifically delegates authority over something to the Federal
Government, it has no authority over it since all other powers
are reserved to the states and to the people. In other words,
if a state is exercising a power reserved to it, like defining,
establishing and applying its own laws pertaining to criminal
justice, then the federal courts are supposed to maintain
a hands off attitude and uphold the state's right to do so."
Capshaw readily admits she's been studying up on constitutional
law to counter Toobin's never-ending arguments for breaking
South Carolina's anti-sodomy laws. Toobin isn't impressed.
"Andrea promised me all the time that when we eventually
traveled to a non-sodomy law state like New York or California,
she would finally make all my fantasies come true and we'd
never leave the hotel room. Somehow we always manage to vacation
in Alabama and Mississippi. Then we spend all our time in
church!"
"Look, I'm a middle school teacher and on top of that,
my Daddy is a sheriff's deputy, Capshaw said. "I can't
risk ruining my career and possibly my life just because my
boyfriend is a filthy depraved pervert, who isn't satisfied
with cuddling and occasional heavy petting. And I haven't
even mentioned how God and Jesus feel about it. For the record,
they are very much against it."
Added Capshaw, "Maybe if you showered more often or
started working out, I might be more inclined to break the
law and endanger my entry into Heaven. That's still not a
guarantee, but it couldn't hurt."
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