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WEST BANK — Palestinian leaders, responding to
U.S. demands to reform government corruption and reign in
terrorists, have implemented a policy replacing suicide bombers
with the less deadly, but equally effective, manic-depressive
party crashers.
Members of Hamas and Islamic Jihad vowed to begin sending
the most melancholy terrorists into Israeli occupied territories,
settlements as well nightclubs in the heart of Jerusalem.
"The Palestinian Intifada will soon enter a new and
even more ugly phase," threatened Hamas leader Mohammed
el-Hazzan. "We will not hesitate to send scores of our
most weary, pathetic slackers to attack Israel where it hurts
most. I promise you that nothing ruins a Bar Mitzvah more
than a group of depressed Arabs."
Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, during a meeting with
military troops admonished Arafat for the new threats, and
implored Israelis to do anything in their power to retaliate,
including preemptive strikes at suspected party crashers.
"Try and make them laugh with a funny but off-color
Jewish joke," Sharon instructed. "If that doesn't
work, put on some clown makeup and do some magic tricks. If
neither of those work, then go ahead and shoot them, but the
clown thing should work pretty good."
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Above:
Depressed Palestinians will make every attempt to ruin Israeli
parties
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