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Spokane, WA - True believers are calling it nothing
less than a miracle after several staff workers and shoppers
claimed to see the the image of Jesus Christ during a "Christmas
in July" sale at Joe's Stereo Emporium on Ridgely Avenue.
"It suddenly appeared from out of nowhere," said
Donna Shanley as she was spending the afternoon doing comparison
shopping on shelf speakers. "I was right about to go
over to Circuit City and check their prices, when suddenly,
poof, there he was, with his long flowing sandy brown hair
and blue eyes, which I knew to be Jesus, based on my many
years of Bible classes."
Stereo salesmen were adamant this was no hoax. They, themselves,
had begun seeing the images of Jesus appear with more frequency
as their annual sale drew closer. Shipping clerk Jose Espano
said he was terrified and refused to come into work until
the sale was over.
"Es el diablo! La mamá santa! No es Jesús,
es el diablo! Esto es la tienda de diablo!"
Store manager Todd Unger says there's nothing to be scared
about and the fact that Jesus Christ was making his presence
known at his store was a sign to the world that Christianity
is the one and only true religion. Everyone else will eventually
burn in hell.
"Not only is this store holy, but holy mackerel, do
we have great prices!" Unger said to the throngs of Vatican
officials, religious zealots and bargain shoppers making their
way into the store for the last day of the sale.
According to Unger, the "Christmas in July Sale"
was created as an effort to bring the fun, family shopping
spirit to the slower summertime months, when people would
rather be outdoors than spend hundreds of dollars on stereo
equipment and accessories. Having Jesus show up was just an
unexpected bonus.
Vatican officials flew to Washington last week to study the
phenomenon and now admit a true miracle may have indeed taken
place. But not before emptying the store of 20 CD burners
for bargain basement prices.
"There is something really wonderful about invoking
the name of Christmas so many months before December. I think
Jesus noticed and just wanted to thank us. That, or he wanted
to check out these amazing 200 watt speakers with a sound
quality God Almighty could hear himself!"
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