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Los Angeles, CA —While the world gets over the
shock felt by the recent separation between Angelina Jolie
and husband Billy Bob Thornton, their newly adopted infant
is already "plenty creeped out" by his new parents.
Maddox Thorton, the 11-month-old rescued last year from a
Cambodian orphanage, has made it clear that he would rather
face the threat of disease and starvation in his native country
than spend one more minute in what he referred to as "the
nightmarish world of two egomaniacs both caught in the violent
throes of psychosis."
"I don't care about the constant warring tribes or even
the flies on my face," said Maddox, sitting in his private
highchair at Morton's. "Just get me the hell out of here,
I beg you!"
Jolie, who raised eyebrows two years ago when she became
the fifth wife of Thornton, who is 19 years her senior, continued
to raise eyebrows and people's lunches when they openly discussed
their sex life with Barbara Walters and anyone else who would
listen.
"I saw it first hand," said the baby, who will
seek emancipation as soon as he has a better grasp of speech
communication and the American judicial system. "Daddy
was always grunting like Slingblade and saying 'I'd like some
of them French fried pertaters' and then they would have sex
right in front of me. I felt so dirty."
According to Jolie in a recent interview in US Magazine,
she admits that her marriage to Thornton was exciting and
wonderful, but got a little old when they ran out of blood
and other bodily fluids to exchange.
"Marriage takes a lot of work and not just a couple
of tattoos and blood oaths," said Jolie after yet another
unsuccessful attempt to breast feed her adopted baby. "Besides,
someone just told me he's like really, really old. I knew
I should have stayed with my brother."
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