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Midland,
Tx - It was October 15th, 1987 when 18-month old Jessica
McClure fell down an abandoned well, creating headlines across
the globe. The world watched as rescue crews worked feverishly
for more than 2 days to save her life. Fifteen years later,
the world again held its collective breath, as rescue workers
attempted to save nine coal miners trapped in collapsed mine
shaft in Pennsylvania. Jessica, now a freshman at Midland
Senior High, granted Bobfromaccounting.com a rare interview
request, provided we promise not to publish a current picture
unless it turned out "really cute." It didn't.
BFA: It's great to see you, Baby Jessica.
You've really grown since the last time we saw you.
BABY JESSICA: Just because I've gained weight
does not give you the right to make nasty snide remarks like
that. For your information, I'm still America's darling --
except now I'm fatter and not stuck in a well.
BFA: No, no, that's not what I meant. It's
just the last time we saw you, you were just little... Baby
Jessica.
BABY JESSICA: First of all, I don't go by
Baby Jessica anymore. It's either just 'Baby' or maybe 'BJ'
-- depending if I end up in the music industry or the film
industry. Do you mind if I roll a fatty?
BFA: No, I don't mind, but I'd love to hear
your thoughts on the recent mining accident in Pennsylvania
and how that must have affected you.
BABY JESSICA: Yawn.
BFA: I take it you weren't impressed by the
miracle rescue?
BABY JESSICA: Miracle? Gimme a break. They
were sitting in a giant mining shaft with plenty of water
and conversation. So they were cold -- at least they had someone
to warm up against, if you know what I mean. I was stuck in
a 8 inch well. I couldn't move a bit and I didn't even have
the luxury of knowing how to talk. Those guys are a bunch
of pussies.
BFA: Why don't we talk about your own experience.
You were just 18-months old when you fell 22 feet down into
that abandoned well. What do you remember about it?
BABY JESSICA: My shrink says I've repressed
most of the actual accident because it was so traumatic, but
a couple of years ago I was able to recreate the event for
"Rescue 911" and I realized it was like super scary.
That's also when I first learned my parents were totally drunk
and neglected me when I wandered away. I'm thinking of suing
them when I turn 18.
BFA: Do you think about the accident often?
Do your friends and family remind you?
BABY JESSICA: Are you kidding? They won't
leave me alone about it. Sure, I got a lot of cash and I met
Oprah and all that, but just about every week in Midland there's
some jealous kid who jumps in a well and they don't get jack
shit. They all hate me. Nobody at school wants to date the
dirty girl who fell down a well. That's actually what they
call me. Plus they call me 'whore' but that's a whole other
matter.
BFA: If we could talk again about the miners
--what do you think was going through the minds of the miners
as they waited for help in the cold water without food or
light?
BABY JESSICA: If they were smart they would
be thinking about back-end profits and casting approval for
the upcoming movie- of-the-week. I wish I had read the contract
at the time because the girl who played me was a drooling
moron.
BFA: The miners said they huddled together
for warmth as they awaited help. Do you remember what you
did to keep warm?
BABY JESSICA : I pretty much slept the whole
time and when I got cold I just crapped in my drawers.
BFA: So as a person who has lived through
a similar harrowing experience, do you have anything to say
to the miners?
BABY JESSICA: Yes, but I'll save that when
I see them next week on a special disaster edition of "The
Weakest Link."
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