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Humor
Links Below
Please
don't use them. Please. I'm asking you nicely. Stay here.
It's nice and warm here. Fine, pants are optional.
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BABY JESSICA "TOTALLY UNIMPRESSED"
BY RECENT MINER MIRACLE
Midland, Tx - It was October
15th, 1987 when 18-month old Jessica McClure fell down an abandoned
well, creating headlines across the globe. The world watched as rescue
crews worked feverishly for more than 2 days to save her life. Fifteen
years later, the world again held its collective breath, as rescue
workers attempted to save nine coal miners trapped in collapsed mine
shaft. Jessica, now a freshman at Midland Senior High, granted Bobfromaccounting.com
a rare interview request, provided we promise not to publish a current
picture unless it turned out "really cute." It didn't.
Read
More»
BOB IN HOLLYWOOD, PART III
Reprinted from Bob's Journal
Dear Journal,
This morning I went to see the
famous Mann's Chinese Theater where all the celebrities have their
footprints. I don't want to brag or anything but my feet are significantly
bigger than Natalie Wood's. While I was there I met a guy who
said he was Superman which was really cool even though it was
obvious that it was just an imposter wearing a cape and a large
rolled-up sock in his shorts. I had my friend Ziggy take a picture
of us together to show everyone back home. I wonder who would
win in a fight between Superman and Tony Danza. I say probably
Tony since he has boxing AND dancing skills but we'll probably
never know. More later!
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EDITOR'S
RANT
Dear
Minions,
It's
been a really bad week for Americans. Sure, there's the usual
Mideast violence (yawn) and all that stock market stuff (huh?)
But nothing hit home harder then when I heard Angelina Jolie
and Billy Bob Thornton were headed for divorce court. I cried
like a baby for a week because I realized that if drinking
your spouse's blood and declaring your eternal love on Entertainment
Tonight wasn't enough to cement a relationship, then what
hope do the rest of us have? In the inspiring words of a once-great
philosopher, "love is a battlefield."
Being
the trouper that I am, and knowing full well the Hollywood
Establishment is never going to give me a legitimate writing
job, I managed to pull myself together and put together an
issue. Thank God for Pat Benatar.
Scooter
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Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG
New entries 7.24.02
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1970's
Chinese action star, Jimmy "Yu" Weng Po offers
advice for losers, substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape
Americans. Weekly.
ASK
YU New
Entries 7.24.02
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Get
dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat
bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks.
Weekly.
Read
Debby's Column
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.

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Rand
McNally Ranks 10 Best Highways for Oral Sex Read
Article»
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Angelina Jolie's Adopted Baby Already Creeped Out By
Parents
Read Article »
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Report:
Dramatic Decrease in Sex Among Teens, Except For 16-year-old
Suzy Fleming of Akron Ohio Read»
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WorldCom Execs Forced to Use 1-800-CALL-ATT to Tell
Parents About Bankruptcy
Read »
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Dress
Up Bob ALL NEW HOLLYWOOD EDITION! Lemme
See »
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"Number Two"
Crisp like cabbage,
Or spicy as last night's taco salad,
You reflect everything I am
The cilantro garnish,
Reminds me of that which I don't process,
Or cannot understand,
You are born but twice a day,
(thrice in Mexico)
You are my child
If you didn't smear I'd hold you near,
but you do my friend so I must bid you
adieu....
Send
to us by Bryan, location unknown
Are you a crappy poet? Send
it in
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