5. Osama Bin Laden	He's talks funny plus he kills people. We no like him.
4. Ashley Olsen	Ashley is budding, Ashley is adorable, Ashley appears in dozens of movies where she solve crimes with her budding and just-as-adorable sister. Ashley is also the more outgoing of the two Olsen Twins, admitting that she'd "like to direct" and she plans to one day run for President. In a few years, most of us will desperately want to "play Uncle Jessie" with her bouncing gleefully on our lap, but for now, we would rather stab her in the face with a pitchfork.
3. FRANCE	The entire country of France comes in #3 for obvious reasons. They're whiny, they're bitter, they're racist, they bathe but once a week and they're armies are trained to surrender upon command. They layed down like sheep for Hitler and refuse to let American jets fly over its airspace for fear of getting beat up by some other country. France remains our biggest critic, Iraq's biggest western supporter and the entire country smells like brie aged in old jockey shorts. See related story
2. Mary-Kate Olsen	Though the Olsens are twins, we felt that it would be unfair to include them in the same ranking. Mary-Kate is the younger of the two by three minutes. She wears the same size sports bra as Ashley and she's better at math and science. The editors of Bob From Accounting decided to give her the lower (or higher) ranking when it was learned that she doesn't put out on the first date. This is a shame and gives her the coveted #2 spot. See related story.
1. Michael Jackson	He was the King of Pop and now Michael Jackson is our number one pick for a good, old-fashioned ethnic cleansing. This past year he renamed his album "Hey, What About Me?!", he started a war with the White Devil while managing to fritter away nearly a billion dollars in assets. I'm not sure who I'd rather own the Beatles catalogue -- Jackson or Yoko Ono. That might be a question for the ages. Here's a better question: Is his weenie black or white?

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