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Jesus hates
Bob From Accounting, according to Cap'n Veggie at Jesusfun.com THE
FEUD?
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Humor
Links Below
Please
don't use them. Please. I'm asking you nicely. Stay here.
It's nice and warm here. Fine, pants are optional.
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BFA RANKS TOP 20 PEOPLE IN NEED OF ETHNIC
CLEANSING
 Bob
from Accounting is proud to present our list of the worst and most
annoying of 2002. If we left people out, we apologize. The rankings
were compiled from a strict scientific sample based on 300 phone surveys
from our satellite office in Bosnia-Herzegovina.
READ RESULTS»
BOB STUBS TOE ON ROOMMATE'S FOOT-LOCKER "IT
REALLY HURTS BAD" SAYS BOB
Reprinted from Bob's Journal
Dear
Journal,
Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch. I just stubbed my toe. Ow, ow, ow,
ow. I can't believe I just stubbed my toe! It really hurts! I'm
in a lot of pain right now! It's difficult to write this journal
entry, but it's very important that I express all my innermost thoughts
and feelings so I'll try to continue no matter how much it friggin'
hurts. Goddamn footlocker! Shit!
READ MORE OF BOB'S JOURNAL»
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 EDITOR'S
RANT
Dear
Minions,
I'm
very proud to announce our very first lawsuit
threat. It was bound to happen, but I never
expected it would come about so quicky and from a such a complete
tool. His name is Peter Walker III aka Cap'n Veggie, which
is sort of like Cap'n Crunch except he's a very religious
vegetable/superhero and he runs a wonderfully creative site
called Jesusfun.com. It seems that he's upset that Shizzy
poked a little fun at him a few weeks ago in his column and
now he wants to sue us for harassment and violating federal
copyright laws. While I have always wanted to create cartoon
vegetables that fight both Satan and homosexuality, I have
resisted the urge to steal his material, no matter how tempting
it is. I know that Cap'n Veggie will agree that his hateful
emails to the Bob from Accounting staff should be part of
the dialogue. So
I've posted all the ugliness here.
Scooter
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 Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG
New entries 8.7.02
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 1970's
Chinese action star, Jimmy "Yu" Weng Po offers
advice for losers, substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape
Americans. Weekly.
ASK
YU New
Entries 8.7.02
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 Get
dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat
bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks.
Weekly.
Read
Debby's Column New
Entries 8.7.02
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"Crayola Dreams"
I like to sniff markers
They make me feel warm
All over
Green and blue and orange and red
My senses dull,
Worries float away
Like my nagging wife
And my kid who keeps screaming
Where the hell are my markers
Send
to us by Dr Bob, location unknown
Are you a crappy poet? Send
it in
.
Join
Our Mailing List
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Teen Pact to Lose Virginity By End of Summer Hits Major
Snag
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Serial Rapist, Kidnapper "Not Really a People Person"
Admit Coworkers
Read Article »
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Bush
Finally Understands Horror of War after Watching Mel
Gibson Movie on DVD Read»
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Summer
Camp Skinny Dip Causes Nightmares of Dali-esque Proportions
Read»
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Local Slacker Moves From Parent's Basement to Parent's
Attic Read Article»
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"Brucey"
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Vital Stats
Seen at: Truck stop bathroom, New Jersey
Turnpike
Occupation: Underwear model, Part-time
Denny's host, Catholic Archbishop
Nicknames: Dirty, dirty Robin Hood,
Green Gobler, Juicy Brucey
Turnons: Meeting new people in internet
chatrooms
Turnoffs:
Undercover FBI agents in internet chatrooms
Hobbies: Stealing from the rich and
giving to the poor, saving damsels in distress, "gerbiling"
Famous Quote: "close your eyes
and just pretend I'm your girlfriend"
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