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KENNEDY SPACE CENTER — NASA scientists, looking
to dispel the mass hysteria caused by the appearance of crop
circles around the world as well as the lackluster performance
by Mel Gibson in the film "Signs," have made a stunning
announcement.
As one source stated "There is only one inescapable
conclusion that can be drawn from the data. And that is that
crop circles in reality, are nothing more than some sort of
giant alien coloring book. Oh, and Mel Gibson can't act."
According NASA researcher Erich Von Daniken, when seen from
the Hubble Telescope, the crop patterns appear to be nothing
more than connect-the-dot patterns that would satisfy the
creative endeavors of even the most bored, attention deficit-suffering
alien children.
The findings have caused both relief and frustration among
UFO conspiracy theorists and religious scholars who were hoping
to find more universal meaning in the large sophisticated
patterns that seem to magically appear in the middle of the
night.
Von Daniken, author of "Potato Heads of the Gods,"
has long contended that objects like the Great Pyramid, Stonehenge
and the Bellagio Casino and Resort in Las Vegas could easily
be combined to form any number of amusing cartoon-like drawings.
As opposed to being part of a "cosmic toy chest"
Von Danikan feels we are, rather, part of some huge, and probably
very expensive alien daycare facility.
Unfortunately, Von Daniken had some bad news as well.
"It seems when taken as a whole, the crop patterns indicate
that alien children love artwork and creativity, but they
also despise Earthlings and are busy preparing to kill off
our species in the most horrible painful way possible."
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