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ANNA KOURNIKOVA TO HAVE DIRTY, DIRTY SEX
TO TRAIN FOR 2003 GRAND SLAM
Flushing, NY — Tennis star Anna Kournikova was all smiles
despite making 40 unforced errors in an embarrassing first round loss
at the U.S. Open last week. Kournikova, 21, plans to train even harder
for next year's tourney, now that she has the support of her boyfriend,
Latin pop sensation, Enrique Iglesias as well as new tennis coach,
Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, who has promised her unfettered access
to the VIP grotto at Flynt's Malibu bathhouse. READ
MORE
POPE CONCLUDES NOSTALGIC TRIP TO BOYHOOD
HOME BY BEATING CRAP OUT OF OLD HOCKEY COACH
 KRAKOW,
POLAND — Pope John Paul II spent several days in his boyhood
hometown outside Krakow, where he spoke with old friends and neighbors,
led Sunday Mass in the Cathedral where he was baptized and delivered
a furious beating to his old mentor and hockey coach, Chip Dinsky.
READ MORE
BFA RANKS TOP 20 PEOPLE IN NEED OF ETHNIC
CLEANSING
 Bob
from Accounting is proud to present our list of the worst and most
annoying of 2002. If we left people out, we apologize. The rankings
were compiled from a strict scientific sample based on 300 phone surveys
from our satellite office in Bosnia-Herzegovina.
READ RESULTS»
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 EDITOR'S
RANT
9.4.02
— Just a half update this week, but Shizzy
and Yu both managed to get me a
couple of new columns so make sure you check 'em out below
because they are really, really funny this week. You'll thank
me.
8.21.02
— Now
that we have all the ugliness from the lawsuit
behind us, we can begin seeking out new unsuspecting religious
leaders to offend. Don't forget to send in all your comments
and suggestions which we plan to post soon enough. Again,
we apologize for not getting Bob's journal online during the
last couple of weeks, but we assure you that he's well on
his way of meeting and interviewing Tony Danza for this very
website. Next week, I will tell you all about the Bob From
Accounting World Tour in detail and how you can bring Bob,
Shizzy and the rest of us to your backwater little town. That's
all for now.
Scooter
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 Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG
New entries 9.4.02
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 1970's
Chinese action star, Jimmy "Yu" Weng Po offers
advice for losers, substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape
Americans. Weekly.
ASK
YU New
Entries 9.4.02
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 Get
dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat
bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks.
Weekly.
Read
Debby's Column New
Entries 8.14.02
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Black Leaders Seeking Slave Reparations Will Settle
For Lakers Tickets
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Corey Feldman Considers Taking Break from Show Business
to Spend More Time with Family Read
Article»
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Admit Herpes Sufferers Don't Enjoy Kayaking More Than
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Crop Circles Revealed to be Part of Giant Alien Coloring
Book
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Labor Day Family Activities Screw Up Weekend for Chronic
Masturbator
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France's Unbathed Citizens Spared from European Floods
Read Article »
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- Winters at the Quebecois Cabin -
Frenchman phospherence
Deep sea slime
Predatory jelly
French toast and bacon
Snowmobiling with uncle Luc
Buggery in the barrow
Rubbing dinks behind the birches
Gay frog surprise!
Send
to us by Brendon and Mike, location unknown
- When I'm Down -
When I'm down and out
With no frogs to kill
No solos to play
No drums to fill
When there's no lamb's meat
On my lamb-meat shelf
When I'm outta glue
And just sniffing myself
When I call to Baal,
And he's too busy,
As Overlords tend to be.
Then I remember
People are dying
As far as the eye can see
Send to us by Ernie Morrison, location unknown
Are you a crappy poet? Send
it in
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