Bob From Accounting: "Life as a Trainwreck"

CLINTON AWAKES FROM SURGERY TO FIND WIFE TOTALLY HOT AGAIN

NEW YORK — Breathing on his own and somewhat more alert, former President Bill Clinton took one look at the woman sitting half asleep on the cot next to his bed and thought he must have died and gone to heaven. Turns out it was just his wife of more than 30 years, New York Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. "She just looked unbelievable," Clinton said. "I can't really figure out what's different. It could be the fact that all the nurses are overweight Filipino women or that I'm a helpless heart patient who needs to be pampered back to health, but my God, has my wife always been that sexy?" Read More »

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER

by Yu Weng Po

Yu back! Yu been so busy this summer that I not have time to answer question from fat, war-mongering, American reader. It great! Summer remind Yu of growing up in Shaolin monastery and once every summer they remove chains from neck and we get to go beach and have party and go surfing. Actually, it not really surfing. It more like forced sex with stranger. We just 10 Chinese boy with shaved head. What we know? More »

WHERE THE HELL HAVE WE BEEN ALL SUMMER?

by Scott Howard Leva, Editor in Chief

BFA HQ — Yes, the summer is over and we are back with our first issue after our little hiatus. Interestingly enough, when we decided to take a little rest this summer, we were worried about how our readers would handle it. Would they abandon us? Would they even care at all? Strangely enough, our traffic has grown this summer. And not only that, but we sell more swag and more readers patronize our advertisers when we don't update. Go figure. It seems the better the issue, the less interested people are in clicking on the other stuff. Some dilemma huh?

A lot of people ask me why I publish this website. I even wrote about it at length awhile back. After sweating over BFA for three years, seeing it grow from a couple of friends to thousands of people a day, including a greater part of the Hollywood community, the most rewarding part is the literally hundreds of email we get a week. Sure, there's some hate mail -- some of it even from family members. Sometimes we get really bizarre mail, but for the most part, the feedback is extremely positive —that is until we decided to take a vacation this summer and reduce our workload to ...well not a whole lot. Below is a pretty standard sample:

Dear whoever runs this shit,

Where the fuck is the new issue? Get off your lazy asses and get me some funny shit now shitbag.

You guys suck,
Mike Estep
P.S. Where the fuck is Shizzy? Tell that shitbag to get to work

As you can imagine, I was touched that so many people would care enough to swear or otherwise insult me. We've been going strong for three years and we're not stopping now so don't worry. In fact, we are currently soliciting new writers and columnists, graphic artists and animators. And yes, Shizzy will be back next week.

So thanks for sticking around. Now go make a donation, shitbag.

SHL

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