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HOLLYWOOD, CA — Demonstrating an obvious case
of displaced aggression, Bob from Accounting took to the streets
Wednesday where he cast blame for the tragedy of 9/11 where
it really belongs.
"Thanks God. Good going. Really terrific year you've
given all of us Americans. It's heartwarming to see how much
you care.
Seriously, you suck."
While many Americans spent the anniversary of the September
11 terrorists attacks in a quiet day of contemplation and
remembrance for the more than 3,000 lives lost, Bob walked
the streets waving angry signs and screaming into a bullhorn.
According to Bob, God clearly listened to the prayers of
millions of Muslims who had been calling for the death of
the American way of life, while at the same time ignoring
his own longtime wishes of having a hot Asian girlfriend and
becoming best friends with a affable television personality
like Tony Danza.
"Sure you listen to those crazy Arabs who don't even
speak English," Bob shouted while passers-by quickly
moved out of his path. "What about me? What about that
Evel Kneivel Stunt Cycle I prayed for when I was ten? What
about that wish, huh? Instead you gave me a horrible case
of rickets."
Bob admits he used to blame both God and Allah for
all the trouble they've caused Westerners over the past year
until recently, when he was told the two terms refer to the
same Supreme Being. He was thankful, however, that it would
reduce his daily cursing and sign-making workload by half.
"I'm still not totally convinced," Bob says now.
"Allah apparantly has dark skin and a scraggly beard,
but everyone knows God has that gorgeous flowing hair and
the blue eyes. Or wait, maybe that's Jesus. There you go,
another person who screwed us!"
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