Pfc. Lynndie England has got to be the biggest fucktard in her entire home state of West Virginia. And that's saying a lot. Perhaps the sloping forehead, narrow eyes and too-dyky-even-for-the-army appearance should have alerted her superiors that leaving her unchaperoned at the Abu Gharib prison was one of the biggest mistakes of the war. Thanks to memories provided by Kodak, we can finally put a face on stupidity. Couldn't the face of stupidity look more like Jessica Simpson or even Anna Nicole Smith? While England showed bad judgment when she slept with half her troop without even removing her boots, it also clearly demonstrated that our troops have sunk to new lows of desperation. We will give her the benefit of the doubt that forcing naked Iraqi prisoners to stack up in a pyramid was just a sad reminder of the freaky, penis-obsessed girl who dropped out of high school before she would have been excluded from the cheerleading squad. She didn't mean any harm. Lynndie ranks at #15.

 14. Lip-Syncing, Manufactured Pop Stars

Ashlee Simpson has spent the bulk of 2004 distinguishing herself from famous sister Jessica by dying her hair black, having premarital sex and demonstrating an uncanny ability to do a jig/retard dance during moments of complete discomfort or when she has to pee. Add to that a complete lack of guilt for lying about lip-syncing, blaming her band and saying things like "everyone does it, doncha know." She might just be telling the truth: Jessica lip syncs every time she speaks and newbie singer and overexposed star Lindsay Lohan allegedly lip synced on Good Morning America just last week. In the end, we learned that it really wasn't Ashlee's fault. She has a serious case of acid-reflux disease, which sadly removes any lingering desire we have to make out with her. She needs to go. Ashlee ranks at #14.

 13. Cartoonishly Pumped Steroid Abusers Who Lie...Badly

Barry Bonds might just be the Ashlee Simpson of baseball. Bonds went from skinny player to pumped up power hitter at the ripe old age of 36. Turns out, his growing manboobs and shrinking testicles were due to a cocktail of peformance-enhancing steriods supplied to him by his trainer who only said they were "ego enhancers" made from flaxseed oil and roofies. It's not just Bonds that's guilty of being a cheat and a fraud. There's Jason Giambi, Marion Jones, and even Sammy Sosa has been spending a lot of time stroking his corked bat and mouse nuts. Bonds outdoes the rest of them for the simple reason that we hated him way before he started hitting home runs. Bonds ranks our list at unlucky #13.

12. Canada

While France and even the entire continent of Europe was singled out in years past, Canada makes this year's ethnic cleaning awards. Where's the love? Where's the appreciation? We know it's cold and you're irritable this time of year, but you've been holding a grudge since we admitted we like the Brits better. While we can forgive French-speaking Canada for not assisting our armed forces in Iraq, it's harder to forgive members of Parliment for heckling our elected leaders or dropping Celine Dion on us. Canada claims they have a unique culture that differentiates them from the United States, despite the fact that 90% of Canadians live within 50 miles of the U.S. border. They share our economy, they see our television shows and they fantasized about banging the cast of "Friends," just like the rest of us. What the hell do we get in return? It's like they're stealing our space heater and we always have to pay the electric bill. Screw Canada. They are ranked at #12

 11. Clay Aiken

Where oh where should we start? It's so difficult to pin down Clay Aiken's ears let alone all the reasons why we feel the American Idol runner up should be ethnically cleansed. Sure, he's a raging bone smuggler and expert on the jousting circuit. But he's also a nice Christian guy who claims he's saving himself for marriage (teehee). He's also kind to the kids on the short bus. Maybe it's the horror that his recent Christmas album sold more than 250,000 copies in a single week. Maybe it's that his fans are known as "Claymates." Maybe it's that annoying twangy voice and a complete lack of facial hair. Maybe it's that every girl wants him and not us! We've been sent angry letters about our well-known position before. And even more angry letters Clay ranks at #11.

CONTINUE READING #25-21,   #20-16,   #15 - 11,   #10 - 6,   #5 - 1

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