5. Paris Hilton	It's so hard to decide if we want to have sex with Paris or just ethnically cleanse her. After viewing the sex tape, we realize that Paris in the sack is like Paris working at the Sonic Burger in Arkansas: It's a half-hearted, mostly offensive, greasy mess with everyone angry afterwards and no longer wanting to pay her. And when the cell phone rings, she goes to answer it. SHE GOES TO ANSWER HER CELL PHONE. 'Nuff said.
4. Howard Dean	Since when do doctors become presidential candidates? Apparently they do when this draft dodger and self-titled "king of the pap smear" is charming you into that sexy paper robe. We know for a fact that his fingers have probed thousands upon thousands of rectal cavities. Is this the kind of person we really want sitting in the oval office shaking hands with European leaders? Well, maybe we do.
3. Whiny Democrats Who Hate Howard Dean	Call them jealous or call them whiny but people like Richard Gephardt, John Kerry, Joe Lieberman and everyone else are in agreement that Howard Dean is "a big dumb jerk and we were here first!" BFA prediction: Bush wins in 2004
2. Trista and Ryan	The cutest couple in America is now husband and wife. Trista Rehn, the only reality show contestant that actually married the winner is showing women all over the world that there truly are incredibly handsome, athletic, blue collar men who can still write poetry and cry when they're sad or hungry or it's nappy time. While they did not have a prenuptial contract, they did agree to share joint custody of Ryan's penis.
1. Jared	After much debate, the editorial staff here at BFA felt that, more than anyone else in 2003, Jared, the Subway pitchman who lost over 150 pounds by eating totally inedible fastfood disguised as healthy, not just disgusts us, but turns the stomach of every man woman, and child within eyesight of a TV set or Subway restaurant who is forced to watch Jared wolf down a 12 inch turkey sub with three bags of baked Lays. Subway had the good enough sense to retire Jared about a year ago but then suddenly, without warning, brought him back "by popular demand." Popular demand by who, Carnie Wilson? Marlon Brando? The ghost of John Candy? Today, one cannot watch 10 minutes of television without seeing the image of his fatpants, or his fatshirt or his fatass. When will the madness end? Jared wins the coveted #1 spot. Let us never speak of him again. Happy New Year from your friends at BFA

CONTINUE READING #25-21,   #20-16,   #15 - 11,   #10 - 6,   #5 - 1