THE BOB DIARY The Beginning p.2

October 19, 1999

Dear Journal,

I’m sorry I got upset with you last time. I’m just sooooo in love with Kim Soo from shipping. She’s so damn hot and it’s been really hard for me to get work done because I’m thinking about her all day. In fact I have a boner right now. That reminds me, I need to get a padlock for this journal. It’s getting so racy lately and I wouldn’t want anyone reading it. Anyway, enough about Kim Soo because I need to get crackin’ on the book and/or screenplay. Where did we leave off? Something about a crescendo of rain. Or sounds of rain and – I can’t remember because I can’t stop thinking about Kim Soo! Sheesh!

October 22, 1999

Dear Journal,

This is it. It’s happened. The big one. I am about to explode all over my desk. Not that way, you pervert! I’m excited because I just found out that Septicorp is going to have a Halloween party and I think it would be a perfect time to make my moves on Kim Soo. Oh Kim Soo, she’s so pretty. I was going to write last night but I watched La Bamba on home video. Did you know that Ritchie Valens had a famous song called Oh Donna? I think I’m going to buy it because I now know how he feels. I wonder if Donna had big knockers like my Kim Soo. I’d be curious to know. Uh oh, there’s the boner again. I sure hope it’s gone by 3pm. I have an important meeting with Phil from the collections department.

October 29, 1999

Dear Journal,

Okay, I’m in big trouble. I don’t have anything to wear for the Halloween party and I’m still too chicken to ask Kim Soo if she’s going and if so, if I could be her escort. I need to think of a good line that will get her sweaty for me. I’m thinking about telling her about my book and/or screenplay I’m working on but what if she asks me about it. I’m just now getting started on it and I won’t have an answer for her. She might think I’m lying and I’m just another dumb accountant trying to get in her pants. What would Enzo have done?

October 30, 1999

Dear Journal,

Well, I did it! You can be very proud of me dear diary (I mean journal ha ha!) I went up to Kim Soo and first I pretended that I was lost in the shipping department. Then she came over to try and help me and I introduced myself. She’s so nice and I know for sure I’m in love with her. There was a slight language problem because English isn’t her first language but she laughed when I mentioned the “international language of love” thing that Enzo taught me a few months back. Turns out she wasn’t even interested in my book and/or screenplay. I told her about it and she didn’t ask me any questions. I’m relieved for sure about that. You should have seen me – I summoned all my courage and asked her if she wanted to attend the party with me. She said, she might!! Can you believe that one? She told me if her other plans fall through she’d see me there for sure! Now I have to figure out what the hell I’m going to dress up as for the Halloween Party. Big trouble.

October 31, 1999

Dear Journal,

Today is Halloween and I’m really screwed. All the costumes at the store were sold because it’s so late and I don’t know what I’m going to do. They were such assholes at the store and I told them if they ever needed a last minute accountant, they could just forget about me. That seemed to do the trick. I think maybe I can make a costume at home. After all, I’m a very creative writer who can easily think of a clever last-minute costume. Don’t worry, I’ll start working on my book and/or screenplay right after Halloween. I’m sure my date experience will help because I read in a writing book that life experiences are the support beams that hold up a house or story or whatever. I didn’t actually read the book but it said that on the back cover. Wish me luck, friend!

November 15, 1999

Dear Journal,

I’m sitting at home in my underwear. I told my boss I was sick. More like drunk. I hate Kim Soo. I hate Halloween. I’m never going to another party ever again. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE BITCH DIE!!!!!!

November 17, 1999

Dear Journal,

I’m feeling a little better today. I went back to work and Kim Soo said hello so maybe I don’t really want her to die. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about the party. Kim Soo actually showed up. She looked beautiful in her Jesus of Nazareth costume. I ended up putting a pillow under my shirt and saying I was the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I even had the funny teeth. I’m still wearing them right now because I used the wrong glue to hold them in place. Anyway, she came to the party and looked beautiful as Jesus just like I said. It probably would have been great but Phil (from collections) got his meat hooks into her before I ever had the chance. He danced with her the whole time and I just sat at the table getting drunk. Every once in awhile she would look over towards me, but then I found out she just has a lazy eye. I hate Phil from collections. He knew I liked Kim Soo but went after her anyway. I hope he falls in a well and dies!

November 21, 1999

Dear Journal,

Another holiday season is coming up and I have no plans for Thanksgiving. I’ll probably just sit in my underwear and watch TV like I do every year. I’m still in love with Kim Soo and she’s still sooo very beautiful. We talk almost everyday now. Wanna know how I finally got her to talk to me? I act real sad and upset when I walk by. She then asks me what’s wrong. Then I tell her how hard I’ve been working on my book and/or screenplay. It really works. She genuinely cares about me. She told me she wants to read what I’ve written so far and that it might help her English. So now I really need to get cracking on this thing.

December 5, 1999

Dear Journal,

Things are going well with Kim Soo and me. I think I’m finally going to ask her out on a real date. I’m just worried about Phil from collections because he’s been eying her too. Everytime I try and do my pouting, sad act, Phil comes from nowhere and starts talking to her. He thinks he’s so cool because he can speak Chinese. I hate his friggin guts.

December 12, 1999

Dear Journal,

I want to kill myself. Phil from collections asked Kim Soo out right in front of me. He’s such a jerk. The pouty look didn’t even work. I stood there for an hour with a big sad look on my face but she only glanced at me once or twice with her lazy eye. I think she’s in love with Phil. I’m going home and getting drunk.

December 17, 1999

Dear Journal,

Do you know what? It’s almost the year 2000. I never even gave it much thought but we are about to enter a new millennium. People are talking about it and I see stuff about it on TV. It’s so exciting. I think maybe Kim Soo will be my girlfriend in the new millennium. What do you think? Sorry I’ve been so remiss about working on my book and/or screenplay. I think I should start fresh in the new year. Right now all I can think about is how much I love Kim Soo and how much I want Phil from collections to die.

December 18, 1999

Dear Journal,

This is the greatest day of my life. You’re not going to believe this but Phil from collections came to see me today. We had a meeting about some mistakes I made in the accounting books and he asked me how I felt about Kim Soo. I admitted how much I loved her and guess what? He told me that he thought she loved me as well! He said that she talks about me every time they go out on a date. He told me that sometimes, after he makes sweet sweet love to her, she says she’d like to invite me over for a dinner party! I know, I couldn’t believe it myself. Kim Soo does love me!

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