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When I first saw the previews
for this film, I thought it was a magnificent excuse to stuff
Salma Hayek into a bikini and watch the dudes throw down their
cash for a ticket. Plot? What plot? Who needs a plot? Salma
Hayek dude! But then I was treated to shirtless Pierce Brosnan
and Woody Harrelson. Does this movie have sex appeal? You
bet! Even more amazingly it has a plot! A surprisingly good
plot!
For the record, I saw the movie because of Salma Hayek, not
Pierce Brosnan’s gray chest hairs and saggy, old man
balls.
Living a life of luxury in the Bahamas, Max (Pierce Brosnan)
and Lola (Salma Hayek) are two retired thieves trying to build
a life together. However, Max is bored. Life on the island
is too predictable and he needs a new hobby. Apparently, banging
the mega-hot Lola no longer captures his attention. Enter
FBI agent, Stan (Woody Harrelson). Apparently, Max has stolen
two of three Napoleon diamonds, and Stan lets him know that
the third diamond is on display on a cruise ship set to arrive
on Max’s tranquil island retreat. So what’s a diamond
thief to do?
Along the way, Lola tries to convince Max not to steal the
diamond, and a local gangster, Henry Moore (Don Cheadle) attempts
to convince Max to assist in the theft of the diamond. And
of course, Stan falls in love with a beautiful, sassy island
cop named Sophie (Naomi Harris).
Blabbity blabbity, blah. Salma Hayek in a bikini, dude!
As far as mismatched-buddy-heist-love-action-comedy films
go, this one presented a unique perspective. There was never
any doubt that Max wanted to steal the diamond, or that he
would, in fact, attempt to steal the diamond. The mystery
was in the “how.” The conflict was in his ability
to salvage his relationship with Lola. Of course, that second
problem was easily resolved by bikini shots and other bouts
of Latina sexiness. In a way, I felt like this movie was an
Elmore Leonard novel, without Elmore Leonard. Hopefully. Plagiarism
will always be this well-done in Hollywood.
Although “After the Sunset” is a fun movie with
witty dialogue and superb chemistry between characters, I
see why they put Salma Hayek in this flick. I think she was
there to distract the viewers from the obvious reality stretches.
What do you mean he used a PDA to control a car from a rooftop?
Look at Salma’s rack! Does that answer your question?
Sadly, it does.
Director Brett Ratner does a great job capturing the Caribbean
tones, and the movie is well-paced. Most outstandingly, he
does a wonderful job of filming Salma Hayek in a bikini. He
makes directing look so damn easy -- and fun.
Do they give Academy Awards to casting directors? Here, they
should. The asshole who cast Salma Hayek as that uni-brow
artist Frida Kahlo, should be banned from working in Hollywood.
Go back to Sundance, you creep!
At any rate, I recommend you go see this movie. However, if
you’re going just to see Salma Hayek in a bikini, I have
to warn you that you may be distracted by the plot and a deceptively
well-made movie.
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Above:
It's like looking into the sun. Fuck my corneas!
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