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There’s something about
a nerd with magic wand that makes people curious. Remember
when David Copperfield was married to Claudia Schiffer? Trust
me, it was the wand. If you throw in a know-it-all sidekick
and bumbling, goodhearted best friend, you’ve got a uninspired
teen comedy waiting to happen. Or it could just be the latest
Harry Potter movie.
Harry Potter is supposed to be the greatest wizard of all,
and this installment investigates his troubled foray into
adolescence. I don’t know about you, but I can remember
the day adolescence hit me. I remember because I locked myself
in the bathroom for eight hours straight until my mother asked
me what the hell I was doing. And I say this to make a point:
What the hell is Harry’s problem? I mean, he’s has
no parents to hold him back, he’s got magic powers, and
yet, in "Harry Potter and the Blabbity Blah Whatever"
there were no teenage antics, no roadtrips on flying carpets
or trippy scenes after a binge of witch’s brew. Harry
Potter as a teenager is just a fully-pubed gothic dork.
All I got out of the older Harry Potter, still played by soon-to-be-middle-aged
Daniel Radcliffe, was that sometimes he gets moody. After
years of abuse by his foster family, he finally starts to
go a little nuts. That was kind of cool I guess. Yawn. He
begins examining the extent of his powers in a darker way
while Sirius Black (Gary Oldman), a notorious murderer who
has escaped from Azkaban prison, is after him. Of course,
that just adds to the teenage neurosis and Harry gets even
more edgy. Throw in some spooky prison guards called Dementors
who are searching for Sirius and Harry nearly craps his drawers.
By the way, that would have been a nice touch.
With the change in directors (from Columbus to Cuaron), this
installment marked a shift in tone, more than anything else.
I mean, this whole franchise has always been a little creepy,
but this one was really creepy...and maybe even disturbing,
which begs the question: if we're going to go this route
with Harry Potter, why can't I see Emma Watson's perky little
breasts? Okay, did I just say that out loud?
To be honest, I don't know if the books are any better. I
don’t read Harry Potter books. All I know is that I came
out of the movie theater not necessarily wanting my money
back. I didn't feel entirely ripped off. If you are a sucker
for bill Hollywood franchises and are as asexual as the characters
in the movie, go see "Harry Potter and the Blabbity Blah
Whatever."
Meanwhile, I'll be in the bathroom...showering.
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Above:
Three annoying teenagers who better be saving their money.
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