|
There is something wrong with
kids today. There, I said it. I never thought that those words
would escape my lips. How could I, a person not that far removed
from being a kid myself, say “I just don’t understand
kids today,” with a straight face and still respect myself
in the morning? But all the signs are there. At the age of
27 and eleven-twelfths, I find myself searching the mirror
in vain for that innocent and immature teenager that used
to stare back at me. My long hair has prematurely receded.
I’ve grown exactly two back hairs. I’m an…
I’m an… adult. I pay my taxes on time and my phone
bill three months late. I’ve got credit card debt. And
sometimes, when no one else is around, I find myself locking
the doors, lowering the blinds, and watching… VH1.
The kids today are too complacent; they watch reality television,
listen to Justin Timberlake and believe that their government
isn’t actively out to get them. Kids today, they don’t
know how To Rock. And that's what I learned by watching “School
of Rock," the amazing new comedy directed by Richard
Linklater and starring Jack Black. I guess I can’t be
too angry at the kids; they’ve been spoon fed a regimented
dose of corporat- approved “rebellion” (as far as
I can tell it involves wearing baggy jeans and screaming “WHOOO”
behind Carson Daly), and are so culturally bankrupt that they
think Matchbox 20 qualifies as rock and Eminem actually has
something to bitch about.
Thank god for Jack Black.
"School of Rock” opens with Jack Black in his most
natural state; passed out face down on the floor of a bar.
He has just been kicked out of his rather mediocre rock band
for – get this – rocking too hard. About
to be kicked out of his apartment by his milquetoast roommate
(I love that word) Mike White (who also wrote the script)
and his screeching harpy girlfriend (Sarah Silverman, perfecting
her “I’m hot but a bitch” persona), Jack Black
must come up with rent money or face eviction. So, naturally,
Black gets a job as a substitute teacher for a bunch of well-behaved
schoolchildren. That’s exactly what I would have done.
The actual premise doesn’t matter. What matters is for
the next 70 minutes we get to watch Jack Black rock out and
teach pre-teens how to rock out. It turns out that all of
the kids are musical prodigies (in real life too!) and Black
decides to teach them how to rock so they can be his backup
band.
This movie surprised the hell out of me. I was convinced that
it was going to suck. A down-and-out loser meets up with a
multicultural gang of kids, teaches them to work together,
and in the process they all learn from each other. It’s
“The Bad News Bears” without Walter Matthau. It’s
“The Mighty Ducks” without the NHL franchise. It’s
“Sarafina” without the feel-good ending. But somehow,
the movie didn’t suck. It really didn’t suck.
Everyone involved with this film deserves high accolades and
many beers. Director Richard Linklater has redeemed himself
after forcing us to sit through the bad sophomore-year-philosophy
of “Waking Life” and navel gazing of “Gerry."
Writer Mike White, on the other hand, has not redeemed himself,
because he doesn’t have anything to apologize for. Before
blessing us with “School of Rock," White penned
“The Good Girl”, “Chuck and Buck”, and
the incredibly under-appreciated TV show “Freaks and
Geeks." I know you never saw it, but take my word that
the world is a worse place now that it’s no longer on
the air. Show some respect, motherfuckers.
But the movie really belongs to Jack Black. For those of you
who might have tired of Black’s “I’m a big
fat slob but I ROCK” persona, this movie offers nothing
new. But he’s a big fat slob that rocks so unbelievably
well. I haven’t seen a man with his… ample talents
be so at ease in his own body since Belushi. Black wiggles
and squirms, dances and prances, shucks, jives and stage dives.
And this was all in the first five minutes of the film. He’s
got the best strut since Travolta, the strongest voice since
Sinatra, and the most flexible eyebrows since Groucho. Not
enough good things can be said about Jack Black.
Jack Black understands our pain. Jack Black will hold us all
night and tell us that everything will be all right. Jack
Black has super powers and laser beams that shoot out of his
eyes. Jack Black stays crunchy, even in milk. Jack Black can
dance the mashed potato. Jack Black makes the world safe for
Democracy.
And Jack Black will teach the kids how to rock. And these
kids are all right.
|
|
Above:
Jack Black is a big fat slob who knows how to rock
SEND THIS ARTICLE TO A FRIEND!
|
|
