Click Here


Home |
Past Issues |
Bob Jobs |
Who's in Charge |
Mailing List |
Bob Gear |
Copyright Notice For Plagiarists

Read Shizzy's Prank Email Archives!

Cruel, Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell

Send all comments or ideas to Shizzy Joyce. These are actual emails from actual humans... plus Shizzy. THEY ARE REAL.  Please forgive us and enjoy!



Whazzup My Peeps,

We had such a great response a few months ago when I tried to sell my "Real Doll" that I figured it was time to try again. What can I say, I'm broke and that stupid doll is starting to get on my nerves. I hope I can find her a good home. Here is the ad I posted:

For Sale: Real Doll. As seen on The Howard Stern Show and HBO’s Real Sex. $200.00 Selling for cheap because I’m moving and I don’t have room for the doll in my U-Haul. Also I'm broke and found God recently. Contact: Richard Hizzahan


Date: Sat, 03 May 2003 20:31:28 -0700
To: richxxxx@yahoo.com
From: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net> |
Subject: real doll

Richard,

I'm interested in the doll if it's female. Call me at 4xx xxx-xxxx if she's still available.

Ken


Date: Sat, 3 May 2003 22:21:42 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Richard Hizzahan” <richxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: real doll
To: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net>

Ken,

Of course she's female! I'm totally heterosexual and wouldn't be caught dead with the male version -- I considered it once but just as a companion piece to the girl I have ( so she won't get lonely -- ha ha!) Anyway, I just got my tongue pierced and it's a bit infected so I'm barely audible over the phone. I'd be glad to answer any questions you have about the doll via email if that’s okay with you. Don't worry, she's still available. She is in near perfect condition. Where do you live? Are you a collector? I've seen a lot of these dolls but she is the best I have ever seen. It's a hell of a deal. Hope to hear from you soon.

Richard (it's me, Shizzy)


Date: Sat, 03 May 2003 22:07:19 -0700
To: “Richard Hizzahan” <richxxx@yahoo.com>
From: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net> |
Subject: Re: real doll

Hi Richard,

I live here in the city around the mission. Do you have a photo of the doll? If not what does she look like? Do you have various wigs, outfits, etc.? How do you care for the doll? How much use has she had? How tall is she? How big is the crate she comes in? Why is she so cheap? I thought these dolls went for thousands of dollars. I saw the HBO special on them and it was intriguing. I just wonder about the reality of actually owning one. Your comments are appreciated.

Ken


Date: Sun, 4 May 2003 12:04:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Richard Hizzahan” <richxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: real doll
To: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net>

Hi Ken,

I had the doll custom made. She has a "type two" head and "type three" body. She is sort of like the Tami model but with freckles and a cleft chin. She's about five foot five with wonderful breasts and a great ass. The doll is barely used. I had the doll modeled after my wife Ginger as an anniversary gift. I don't want to be a downer but she died shortly afterwards and I haven't been able to have fun with Ginger II since. Also, I don't have room in the my new apartment, so that's why I'm selling her for so cheap. The crate is about five foot high and three feet wide but you can have her without the crate if you want.

What do you plan on doing with her? People have lots of different uses for them. Some people are collectors, some use them for music shows or for decoration, and of course, some freaks have sex with them. I’m just curious. I have mixed feelings about parting with her and I'm concerned she find a good home. Well, I gotta do some packing. Hope to hear from you soon.

Richard


Date: Mon, 05 May 2003 03:06:40 -0700
To: “Richard Hizzahan” <richxxx@yahoo.com>
From: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net> |
Subject: Re: real doll

Hello Richard,

I checked out the website and I have to say if I was ordering a doll I would probably get the Tami model. I don't quite know what I would do with the doll. It's a strange concept for me, thinking I would actually have one in my place, but I find the idea appealing. I guess the next step is to see the doll in person. I think I would know better once I see her. If I do buy the doll you can rest assured she will have a good home. I live alone and she wouldn't be around any one but me. I usually go to work in the afternoon so I can meet with you in the morning or early afternoon. I'm off on Wednesday and Thursday, so any time is good. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for writing back.

Ken


Date: Mon, 5 May 2003 17:19:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Richard Hizzahan” <richxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: real doll
To: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net>

Ken,

I'm glad she will have a good home. I was worried that someone might do crazy things with her as opposed to just keep her as a beautiful, collectible house companion. And by the way please refer to her as Ginger, not Tami. Thanks. Actually, a musician emailed me the other day wanting to buy her for his band’s tour. The guy was from some German heavy metal group and he wanted to use her as a stage prop. I asked what she'd be doing on stage and he said the band members were each going to sodomize her and then set her on fire in between songs. I told him to screw himself. That is just demented for starters, and I could never part with the doll knowing she was headed for certain doom. Her anal port is in practically virginal condition and I don't want to see that changed -- especially by some perverted Kraut. Anyway, my Real Doll is of the best quality and has a ton of customizations as I said -- she even has an extra toe just like my wife. This might creep out some people but it really isn't too noticeable. Also, the vagina is a perfect match. I had to take pictures of it while my wife was sleeping so they could get it just right. Hell, I know I should charge a lot more for her, but I need to move and I can't be spending the rest of my life thinking about what could have been. I'm busy for the next three days but after that you can come in any time to pick her up. Hope to hear from you soon.

Richard


Date: Tue, 06 May 2003 00:25:21 -0700
To: “Richard Hizzahan” <richxxx@yahoo.com>
From: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net> |
Subject: Re: real doll

Thanks for your email. I'm off work Weds, Thurs and will be free Friday night. What area of town do you live in? I have a pickup truck so transporting the doll will be no problem. Please let me know the best time to come over.

Talk to you soon,

Ken


Date: Tue, 6 May 2003 09:29:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Richard Hizzahan” <richxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: real doll
To: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net>

Hi Ken.

I live on Alvarado up above Lenny's Coffee. It's a shithole but it's got some great drinks. Dude, I don't know what I was thinking and I certainly hope this isn't a deal breaker, but last night I got really drunk and had a little "happy time" with Ginger. Luckily, I pulled out so there aren't any of my sea monkeys floating around in there, but I want to be honest with any potential buyers and let them know she's gotten her fill recently. You have to understand, I've had her for awhile and I'm parting with her soon -- it's sort of like when you're about to dump your girlfriend, you try to get as many free dinners as possible because you know it's just going to be pizza pockets for the next year or so. Anyway, I also painted her toenails and gave her a haircut. She's looking really hot. I'm so glad she's going to a good home. She seems excited. This might be totally off but when you come to pick her up will you take some pictures of me with her? If you do this I might consider letting you have her at a sizable discount. I've already discounted her a bit because of the teeth marks I left on her recently. I have to be out of here by this weekend and I have too much stuff to load.

Richard

Date: Tue, 06 May 2003 10:14:32 -0700
To: “Richard Hizzahan” <richxxx@yahoo.com>
From: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net> |
Subject: Re: real doll

Richard,

I can pick up the doll tomorrow morning or whenever. It would be good to set a time. I need directions to your place and
the address. I'm coming from the mission. I'd be happy to take some pictures for you. Call me at 4xx xxx xxxx if you need to.

Ken


Date: Tue, 6 May 2003 13:13:45 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Richard Hizzahan” <richxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: real doll
To: “Ken Patxxx” <Kenxxxx@earthlink.net>

Ken,

That is great news. I really would like some photos just for nostalgia purposes. I'd like to do a few erotic photographs if you don't mind too much. Thanks. I'm very glad Ginger's going to a good home. I know you will take good care of her Ken. If you could put her in a chair near the window during the day that would be great. She loves to people-watch. She doesn't like thunderstorms though so when it rains just set her in front of the TV. She likes her hair brushed once a day around noon and she's a big Kurt Russell fan so if you have any movies featuring him or his life partner Goldie Hawn, she would really appreciate viewing those on occasion.

I hope you don't mind this, but I would like to keep in touch with you after I move back to Boston. I'll be back in town once in awhile on business and I'd like to drop by and visit her. Would that be okay? I know that is a lot to consider, but keep in mind that you are getting quite a sweet deal on this doll and she cost me a shitload of money. Also, while I'm on the subject of my move, I have a parrot named Chewy that I don't want to take back to Boston. You want him? He sometimes bites people and shits all over the house if you don't have a cage,, but he is pretty cool looking and says crazy things all day long. That reminds me -- I'd like Chewy to appear in a couple of the pictures with me and Ginger. If you're still up for it I'll mapquest you directions to my apartment. Thanks Ken, I think this will work out great!!

Richard

Damnit. I'm thinking now that I'll never get Ginger out of my parent's basement. I'm worried too because they've been snooping around her crate recently. I told them it was a giant box of artillary I was holding for some friends, so I'm hoping they'll leave her alone.

If you liked that one, go read about the first time I tried to sell my Real Doll. Or better yet, scroll down and check out dozens of other stooges I've corresponded with over the last year. Don't forget to write me if you have a great idea or know someone in need of a brutal shizzification.

Peace Out,

Shizzy

 


Suggestions? Comments? Send me a note .

**Ed. Note: Yes, these emails are real. Yes, we change the names. Duh. Except for some spelling and paragraphing cleanup to make them more readable, the emails are exactly as they are sent and received. Anyone attempting to find some kind of "conspiracy" at BFA have even more free time on their hands than Shizzy.

Want more Shizzy? Here ya go.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 78, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29 , 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, >

SEND THIS PAGE TO A FRIEND!

Copyright © 2001-2006 Bob From Accounting/Orange Planet Entertainment, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. That means you too, Mr. Steven Spielberg