Date: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 10:53:55 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Rich Killian" <richxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Irishman moving west
To: Fred@xxx@msn.com

Hello Fred!

My name is Richard and I currently live Dublin, Ireland. We are making plans to move to Fargo and we would like to get into contact with a real estate agent to answer some of our basic questions in regards to the area. We took a trip to America from coast to coast last summer. We fell in love with the Fargo area. My wife's biggest concern is the schooling. Our kids are 14 and 16 both boys. Anyway, I write in hopes that we can discuss buying a 5 bedroom home and maybe you can give us the low down on the town itself. Hope to hear from you.

Cheers!
Richard Killian (It's really me, Shizzy!)

From: Fxxx@msn.com
Date: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 14:42:29 EDT
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: richxxxx@yahoo.com

Dear Richard:

Thank You for your e-mail. I'd be happy to discuss your real estate needs in the Fargo area, also could send packet of all the great things we have to offer. I've been in the Real Estate business for 17 years here in Fargo. I can also provide school information if you give me the criteria your looking for. I feel we have a great school system. Our two children and a granddaughter have attended.

Thanks again look forward to helping
Fred Mendel
Real Estate Broker,
Eason Realtors

Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 13:19:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Rich Killian" <richxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: Fxxx@msn.com

Hello Fred! Great to hear from you. My wife and I would relly like a log cabin type home with a big backyard for the kids and our four guard dogs. The backyard is more for the kids because they don't do so well in the house, breaking furnishings and such as young boys often do. I would love to buy a home that could become a place where or relatives could com over and stay while they're visiting the states. How are the winters in Fargo? We'd like the kids to attend a catholic school if that is possible. They got a bit o' the hooligan in 'em and we're looking for a couple of large sized nuns to put em in place. Someone not afraid to raise the old stick to em, if you get what i'm saying. Im not one of those sissies who think its not right to take a swing at the little ones if they deserve it and my little Seamus and Angus deserve it more than most! Well the wife is yelling at me to come back to bed and I know better than to argue with her. Me head is still aching from last weeks tussle. Excuse the spelling as Ive hada couple of pints. I thank you so much Mr. Mendel for the time you're taking to have this talk with me. Hope to hear from you soon.

Cheers
Richard

From: Fxxx@msn.com |
Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 10:17:57 EST
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: richxxxx@yahoo.com

Dear Richard

Hi I received your e-mail and just wanted to respond to a few things. First the log home is probably out on this end of the state not to say we don't have them but they are few and far between plus resale is very hard if you go west to the hills it would be a lot easier to find, second catholic schools here are very good We belong to the catholic church and our granddaughter attends school there I feel you'd be impressed.

Have a great day.

Fred Mendel
Eason Realtors

Date: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 14:16:38 -0800 (PST)
From: "Rich Killian" <richxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: Fxxx@msn.com

Aye, thank you, I'm certainly glad to hear about the good catholic shool but I hope for your sake me kids aren't at the same place as your granddaughter. As I said, my pups have a little of the hooligan in them and we wouldnt want any harm to come to a family like yours. Of course, my boys can be violent but they are perfect gentlemen around the lasses. I just hope they behave when they get to Fargo because you know how boys can be when they're trying to get the attention of a young lady's heart. Tell me more about Fargo!

Richard Killian

From: Fxxx@msn.com |
Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 10:17:57 EST
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: richxxxx@yahoo.com

Dear Richard

If you'd give some perimeters on price, number of bedrooms, baths, etc. I'd be happy to put some information together for you. Look forward to hearing from you.

Fred Mendel
Eason Realtors

Now, let’s get start drinking, shall we?

Date: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 14:16:38 -0800 (PST)
From: "Rich Killian" <richxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: Fxxx@msn.com

AH Mr Mendel. Me new Yankee friend! I feel like i known you for many a years and I'm looking forward to getting redfaced and spinning tales like two old gents from me beloved Eire. My Iriish eyes are smiling on you! You and i need to get away from the misses and a few throws of McInerney's corn whisky and tell me all about america and the real estate game. Nothing like a few swigs of McInerneys and the ale to wash away the darkness and get away from the little ones and the old lady. I imagine that you dont have a shrew of a wife like me ole Shannon, but maybe you do. Ah, yes, when i married her she was but a pretty little thing who minded the house and her man. Now she is three times my size with arms like tree trunks and a girth like the moon. Maybe I should just leave them in Dublin. Damn hooligan kids! If not for them and their penchant for stealing and fighting, I would be free to roam the new world with nothing but a socked away bottle of McInerneys and the money in my pocket. Is there an airport close by?

Richard Killian

He doesn’t reply. Time to show some remorse for my drunken outburst.

Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2003 12:17:23 -0800 (PST)
From: "Rich Killian" <richxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: Fxxx@msn.com

Good grief Mr. Mendel I apologize for the email I sent you the other day. Apparently I was into my cups and I and babbling on innappropriately. I've been on the couch the last couple of nights due to my antics and don't tell old Shannon, but the couch suits me just fine! I sincerely apologize and I hope that we can continue our dialogue concerning the family's move to Fargo. Me boys arent as bad as I've painted em. Well maybe they are but I am a patient man and I know that those Yankee nuns will teach em a little bity about skipping school and starting fights. It's what drives me to the drink, my friend. It all started with the football club or soccer as you like to call it. Now it's all this nonsense about freedom for our Northern Ireland. I have mind to by me a baseball bat and teach em a thing or two but I think that they will do much better in Fargo where there is nothing important to protest except the local government.

Where is the closest airport to Fargo? I'd like to be able to send my wife Shannon back home as much as possible so I'd like to be within an hour of the airport. Thank you so much for your time.

Richard Killian

From: Fxxx@msn.com |
Date: Tue, 4 Nov 2003 17:04:22 EST
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: richxxxx@yahoo.com

Richard

Hello again hope your feeling better. Just a little update on Fargo I'm sure everyone thinks there community is the best however I really do believe it coming here from California it seems more like heaven. We do have a major airport in town so easy access to where ever you need. Our town is expanding at about 2000 people a year when I moved here it was 179,000 (78) today its about 225,000 nothing really big seems just right. The winters do get kind of long and somewhat cold. Somehow I've managed to survive, the quality of life makes up for a lot.

Let me know if theres anything else. Until then watch the cups.

Fred Mendel
Eason Realtors

I think I'll get really wasted now.

Date: Wed, 5 Nov 2003 14:37:31 -0800 (PST)
From: "Rich Killian" <richxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: Fxxx@msn.com

O thank for the reading my apology alls around. my great americain frend. Long live FARGO! Aye, me feel like we're getting on so well I cant wait to meeet your family and maybe your grandaughter can play with my boys when were at the pub. Watch out for seamus! old shannon knocked me head round again and i have mind to never come home. Im writing a peom woud you like to hear it hear it it......

.In fall brwn leaves fall like man from grace
Too many paddies and cakess in cubbard
I cant takenout the milky bottles for sinn fein
Me wife is a whore, a fat ugly whore
Thoughts of woodchipper dance in me head
I need to go to the hospital i think me head hurts so

I love you ole friend

Richard

Once again, there is no reply. Surely I’ve pissed him off so bad he’ll never email me back. Or will he…..?

Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 12:13:56 -0800 (PST)
From: "Rich Killian" <richxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: Fxxx@msn.com

My God in Heaven I've done it again. I sincerely apologize for about my drunken lunacy. I sincerely apologize and I am now making it a habit to unplug my computer before I start into the drink. We are trying to make plans to visit Fargo in February to look at homes. I can't wait to meet you! It is my hope that I can use the feeling of spirit I encountered in the great west to complete my first novel which will be much better than than drivel from Frank McCourt Hopefully we can make plans to get together to show houses.

My wife and I watched the movie Fargo for the first time last night and it sounds like the perfect place for us. Just keep us away from the woodchipper! Aye, that's a joke. But seriously, me wife is in an uproar thinking eveybody in Fargo is a thug and will be a bad influence on our little ones. I told her to keep her mouth shut and tried to tell her what's what but she wouldn't have it and took a swing at me face. Please, if you don't mind too much, let her know that it was just a movie and nobody's killing and stealing each other's money like in the movie. I know this is silly but my wife can be as dim as an an Irish sunset in December.

Again, I apologize for my behavior and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Richard

From: Fxxx@msn.com |
Date: Sun 9 Nov 2003 10:13:33 EST
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: richxxxx@yahoo.com

Richard

Good-morning I apologize for not getting back to you in the last couple of days got a little busy. I didn’t know you were a writer. That is very interesting. I do ask that you try not to send me anymore emails while you are intoxicated. Anyway, I have lots of exciting news we have a very little crime in Fargo my daughter has done research on the topic so I know this first hand I also have charts I could share with you if you'd like these would include crime, school caparisons how they compare with were you live and here, also individual neighborhood break downs. This information would be very hard to e-mail but could send it over nite if you'd like.

Now so far as the homes go we could find you a very nice home with 4 to 5 bedrooms for anywhere from 200,000 and up you can be in the country if you like or older homes, new construction what ever you'd we have a very good selection of inventory which you can view all of our listing on my web site just go to homes for sale and at the bottom of the page is a link there and that has all the latest listing. We do have a multiple listing service so can show you all the homes for sale.
Be careful with your cups.

Have a Great Day!

Thanks again
Fred Mendel

It’s time to get send him another crazed email. Only this time it's from Richard's hooligan son.
Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 12:13:56 -0800 (PST)
From: "Rich Killian" <richxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Irishman moving west
To: Fxxx@msn.com

Aye Mate!

This is Seamus Killian from Dublin. Me father is drunk agin and asked me not to let him use the computer until he sobers up. Me and my brother tied him up and my mum beat him with the bottle. I want to move to america very badly and meet Britney Spears. Me father says your granddaughter looks just like Britney Spears and she loves Irish boys. Please send me some photos of her. I would make a very good husband to your grandaughter. I plan to finish school and enter politics in Fargo. My father says me and my brother Angus might be able to get part time jobs working for you if we stay out of trouble. This sounds great. How much would the salary be? Do you have a woodchipper? How much is a woodchipper? I am a very hard worker and promise not to start drinking until I am 18. I will try really hard to stay out of fights unless someone says something bad about how I talk or if nobody is looking. My father says to say hello. Me mom says she cant wait to meet you and have you over for dinner just like family. My brother Angus is not as nice and doesn't want to move to fargo. He said he will throw a molotov coctail in your office, but you shouldn't worry about him because he is just a big talker unless hes been drinking. But you probably should not hire him just in case.

Seamus Killian