Date: Mon, 2 Feb 2003 18:22:17 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net> |
Subject: Re:
To: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net >

I've asked you repeatedly not to send me emails like that to my work. As I said, I'm only interested in a legitimate babysitter. Thank you.

Gary

Date: Tues, 3 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

I'm impressed Gary. Your a pretty tough guy to talk to me that way. I respect that you stood your ground. I know how sometimes I come off to other people like I'm some kind of dumb guinea fuck, so I'll try a little harder to lay off the booze before I write you notes. But I can't guarantee it.

Sal

Date: Tues, 3 Feb 2003 15:25:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net> |
Subject: Re:
To: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net >

Don't worry about it.

Gary

Date: Tues, 3 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

See the problem Gary, is I get a little nuts sometimes on this internet thing since its so new to me. It's amazing huh? With my business, I used to have to send people out all over town to get things done. Now I just send off some emails and badda bing! Sometimes, I miss the good old days of talking to people face to face. When you see someone up close they know you mean business. Now what were you asking about the babysitter?

Sal

Date: Thurs, 4 Feb 2003 15:25:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net> |
Subject: Re:
To: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net >

I asked about her availability and all that. Not a big deal. I'm going to the boy's game on Sunday and probably half of Saturday's game. If you're coaching I will introduce myself.

Gary

P.S. What kind of business are you in?

I purposely avoid his last question since it's none of his fucking business. I wonder if he'll notice...Meanwhile, I decide to rub in his face that he's a shitty father who's too busy to attend his kid's games.

Date: Thurs, 4 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

Oh I'll be there. You can fucking bet on it. I go to all my kid's games. It's one of the best things about being a dad. I wouldn't miss their games no matter what. I'd feel like a goddamn prick especially since little Paulie is really starting to kick some ass on the field and he needs some coaching. Oh sorry again about all the swearing. If you want to give me your other email, maybe it would be easier so I don't get you in trouble at work. or we can use the code words like we talked about before.

Sal

Date: Thurs, 4 Feb 2003 15:25:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net> |
Subject: Re:
To: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net >

It's okay. What kind of business are you in?

Gary

I continue to ignore his question. I'm sure he's thinking bad things. Who wouldn't?

Date: Thurs, 4 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

I'll see you at the game. Gonna be a good one huh. Tell your kid no cheating. LOL!( Paulie just taught me that, it means laugh out loud) This Internet thing is fucking great!

Sal

Date: Mon, 8 Feb2003 18:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

Yo, haven't heard from you. What a game, huh Gary? Those kids sure are scrappy. I'm really proud of my boy. Sorry your kid didn't contribute much. Maybe next time he'll do better.

Sal

Date: Tues, 9 Feb 2003 15:25:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net> |
Subject: Re:
To: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net >

It was a pretty good matchup until the end.

I didn't think you remembered me because I tried ask you about the babysitter and you weren't sure which one I was talking about. Do you have others?

Gary

Date: Tues, 9 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

Gary, what are you fucking wacko? You bring up the babysitter thing in front of everyone? Of course I told you I didn't know nothing. I aint gonna say anything with all those parents and kids around. I can't believe you brought that shit up at the game. You are just like my friend Vinnie who didn't know when to keep his big trap shut. Now he fucking knows.

Sal

Date: Tues, 9 Feb 2003 15:25:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net> |
Subject: Re:
To: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net >

I'm sorry but I really don't understand what you're talking about. You were going to give me her information and that's it. We could just use someone to watch the kids. It's not anything to get angry about, so whatever you want to do is fine.

Gary

This is the stuff that makes all these pranks worthwhile. Now I'm on a quest. A quest to hear Gary utter the simple phrase "jibba jabba."

Date: Tues, 9 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

Shit Gary, don't you listen? I'm happy to tell you everything you want to know about the fucked up lolita babysitter, but I gave you code words. So the next time you see me, I'm only going to respond to the code words. Nothing personal but I ain't getting locked up because of some crazy bitch.

Sal

Date: Weds, 10 Feb 2003 15:25:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net> |
Subject: Re:
To: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net >

This is really silly. Nevermind. I'm sure I can find a more suitable babysitter on my own.

Gary

Date: Thurs, 11 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

Whatever you want. A good babysitter is hard to find-- especially one that does anything you ask her to do, but they're your kids, so good luck finding help. I have to get back to work. All this email stuff is wasting my time.

Sal

PS By the way, you should really send your kid to a weight room or something. I think it will really help his game.

Date: Mon, 15 Feb 2003 15:25:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net> |
Subject: Re:
To: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net >

Sal, I don't know what kind of game you're playing with me but I used the code words on Sunday and you didn't say anything. If this is your idea of a joke, I don't think it's funny or appropriate. Also, I should tell you that several of the parents are concerned about your son Paul has said some nasty things to PJ -- I think his last name is Owings or Owens. This has happened several times where he's bullied him or called him names. I'm sure you would agree this is not the kind of thing we want to happen around our kids so I thought I would let you know. If you could say something to Paul, we would really appreciate it.

Gary

Date: Tues, 16 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

I gotta say, you got some balls talking to me that way. My first reaction is to tell you to go fuck yourself but my wife calmed me down and said you were right. Can you believe my wife would take your side? I sure hope you two aren't having an affair. That's a joke.

I will say something to my boy, but that little PJ kid smells like he hasn't wiped his ass in a month. Paulie was just telling him what all the parents were probably thinking anyway, but I will tell Paulie to stop -- maybe I'll tell him he has a bladder infection or something. I don't like to lie to my kid but otherwise, he's just going to keep breaking that kids balls.

Also as for the code words, the reason I never answered them was because you said them wrong, numbnuts. That's right, go check for yourself.

Sal

Date: Tues, 16 Feb 2003 15:25:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net> |
Subject: Re:
To: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net >

Thanks for talking to your son.

I said jabba jabba, that's what you told me to say.

Gary

Oh my God, so close. He's just one word off. Will he say it??

Date: Tues, 16 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

Now, Gary, those weren't the code words. You may think it's not important but you got it wrong and it just so happens that "jabba jabba" is already a code word and it means something completely different. I ain't answering to jabba jabba from anyone but my mother or my boss.

Sal

Sorry. I looked through our previous emails. Jibba jabba is correct, right? I had one word off I guess. You didn't tell me what you do for a living by the way. I'm in accounting. If you know anyone that needs tax help, let me know. We mostly work on corporate accounts.

Gary

That's right. I win. I always win.

Date: Weds, 17 Feb2003 08:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Sal” <fixer_sal@xxxxxxx.net > |
Subject: Re:
To: ”Gary” <garyxxxxx@sbcglobal.net>

That's right! You are a jibba jabba fool!! You will be jibbing and jabbing with the babysitter very soon as long as you say it correctly the next time. I have bad hearing in my left ear from a shotgun blast, so if if I don't answer you next time, make sure you repeat it loudly.

And as far as my business, that's kind of nosy don't you think? I know you think I probably work in construction because of my large build, but I run a flower shop. I cut flowers and arrange bouquets and all that stuff. If you think it's girly or artsy fartsy then you better keep your mouth shut because I love doing it and wouldn't trade my job for anything. The last guy that made fun of me no longer exists in this world, if you get my drift. I admit when I opened the store it was a cover for some illicit activities I was involved in, but after a month or two I realized I was really good at it and people would travel for miles around just to get a corsage for prom or a valentines day arrangement.

Now, the other business is just a hobby I do in the evening and weekends.

It feels good getting that off my chest. We are going to be great friends Gary. I just know it. See you at the game!

Sal