Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2004 10:30:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
To: animxxxxxx@xxx.com

I'm trying to reach Mitchell Stroemeyer. Please let me know if I have the correct contact information. It is very important that I reach him as soon as possible

Carol Lansing (It's really me, Shizzy!)

Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2004 21:04:04 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject:

This is Mitch. Who is this?

Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2004 13:07:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
Subject: Re:
"Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |

Mr. Stroemeyer, my name is Carol Lansing and I'm with U.S. Credit & Collections. I've been assigned to process your student loans and figure out a way to get you on a payment schedule that you can live with. I apologize for resorting to emails but our phone calls and notices have been ignored thus far. If you wouldn't mind answering a few questions, it will help us put you on track and prevent your credit rating from suffering.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2004 09:42:52 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

I don't know what you want me to say. I told them the last time they called (maybe two months ago) that I'm unemployed right now and need a deferment. How did you get my email?

Mitch

Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2004 10:22:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>
Subject: Re:

Dear Mr. Stroemeyer,

I received your email address from your father, who has been extremely helpful.

We use email as a last resort to reach loan defaulters. We would really like to find a way where we can you on a proper payment schedule for your student loans that have been passed on to our agency for collection. Your father has assured me that you will be happy to comply with all your responsibilities and obligations.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Tues, 10 Aug 2004 12:49:02 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

If there's a way to pay the loan back, then fine but I don't have any money coming in right now. I will let you know when that changes.

Mitch

Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2004 09:51:32 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
Subject: Re:
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>

Dear Mr. Stroemeyer,

I don't want to bother you, but it's my job to get you on a proper payment schedule, which should be very easy with your cooperation. We even have programs where we can help you find a job. You are capable of working aren't you? Your father seems to think you are a very intelligent young man with a lot of potential. I can't imagine someone like you would purposely shirk his responsibilities, which makes me think that you just need a little help. That's what our agency does.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Tues, 10 Aug 2004 21:33:06 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

First, I can't believe you are speaking to my father about this. This doesn't involve him Yes, I am capable of getting a job but I'm going to find a job in my field and that may take awhile. Also, this is very strange that you are emailing me. I don't think you're allowed to contact me after I've requested you not to. My father does not have a right to speak for me.

Thank you,

Mitch

Date: Tues, 10 Aug 2004 09:05:12 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>
Subject: Re:

Mr Stroemeyer,

Please understand, the last thing I want to do is add to your stress level, but under section III, paragraphs e, f, & g, you are bound to the agreement of your U.S. governmental loan, with very serious consequences if you don't attempt to make payments. Let's make this easy and figure out a nice way to get that money paid pay. Sound good?

What I'd like to do at this point is to do an interest survey to see if perhaps we can be of assistence in placing you in a job. Can you please list a few job interests in the order of importance. This will really help us place you.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Thurs, 12 Aug 2004 12:48:23 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

Music, movie special effects, animation, game programming, travel

Date: Thurs, 12 Aug 2004 12:48:23 +0200 (MEST)
From:"Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
Subject: Re:

Yes, that's fine Mr. Stroemeyer, but because our client is the U.S. government, we don't exactly have those kinds of jobs, but we do have jobs that are just as exciting and interesting. As a government agency, we represent several branches of the military including the National Guard and Army. Have you ever considered joining the military?

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Thurs, 12 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

No, I'm not interested in joining the military. I have a degree in music.

Date: Thurs, 12 Aug 2004 10:47:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
Subject: Re:
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>

I understand your feelings but certainly you want an easy way to get those loans paid off, and here you could finally feel like you weren't being such a burden on society -- but instead a great help. You may or may not know this but there are all kinds of interesting opportunities in the military that revolve around music. All branches of the military have bands that tour the country and perform at state dinners, etc. I'd really like you to consider options such as these. Your father indicated he would be very proud if you served our country and at the same time earned a paycheck and helped rid the world of communists and Arabs. I will forward you the proper forms for enrollment, which I'd like you to read before the recruiters stop by to meet you.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Thurs, 12 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

No thanks. There is no way I would ever join the military. I'm the most anti-war person I've ever known. My parents feel the same way. They would never let me join the army. I'm going to ask you once again to stop emailing me. Otherwise I will consider this harrassment. Thank you.

I finally got an email from Dad. He's loving this.

Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Neil Stroemeyer" <n_stroemeyer@xxxxx.com>|
To: "Shizzy" <shizzy@bobfromaccounting.com>
Subject: Re:

Shizzy,

This is so brilliant! Mitch is absolutely furious with me. I HAVE to see these email exchanges! First, he knows how much I hate the idea of our military fucking up the rest of the world (Bush's fault) and he can't believe for one second I would suggest he enlist to pay off his student loans. So when I told him to "go ahead --it would show me he's doing something with his life" --he was totally at a loss for words. I don't think he's ever been so shocked (absolutely a stroke of genius) Please send me the emails. I don't know his computer password and I can't wait until you're done -- this is too good! Please keep me in the loop and let me know how I should react or answer him.

Neil Stroemeyer.

BACK TO THE PRANK...

Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2004 10:47:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
Subject: Re:
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>

Yes, that's fine, Mr. Stroemeyer. If you're not interested in the military, I'm sure we can find something closer to your interests. The U.S goverment has thousands of other fascinating job opportunities that we offer to conscientious objectors, homosexuals and people who are just afraid. Based on my conversation with your father, I understand you are very good with your hands. Maybe we can find something where you can fix or build things. I understand from your father you built a beautiful birdhouse.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

This is ridiculous. My father has no right to tell you stuff about me in order for me to pay off a loan. I'm going to again ask you to stop emailing me. I will get a job and pay off my student loans. I know for a fact that I have 10 years to pay off my loan and have at least 6 or 7 years left.

I built the birdhouse when I was 12!! Do NOT contact me again!

Date: Mon, 16 Aug 2004 10:47:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
Subject: Re:
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>

Mr. Stroemeyer,

I do apologize if you feel we are encroaching on your privacy. Your father couldn't stop bragging about you and how amazing your birdhouse was. He said you've never taken such pride in much of anything since. I think this kind of background might give you a leg up in this very competive job market. Right now we have openings helping to construct low cost goverment housing in the slightly more dangerous parts of Oakland. I know how much you love to build things so I think you would just love this kind of work. If that doesn't interest you, the U.S. government always needs qualified factory workers in the munitions factory where you could also use your hands to help build sophisticated weaponry or mop the floors. Both are very rewarding jobs that wouldn't require you to actually join the military, although you would need to demonstrate basic physical fitness. You can do 50 pushups can't you?

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Mon, 16 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

I'm a college graduate and am not looking for some crappy menial labor job just to satisfy the government or my parents. Goodbye.

Date: Mon, 16 Aug 2004 10:47:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
Subject: Re:
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>

That's perfectly understandable, Mr. Stroemeyer. Have you ever considered joining the recently enlarged U.S. Intelligence agency? Did you know the CIA recruits smart young people all the time? You mentioned you are interested in travel. We have recruits all over the world. They especially like educated people like yourself who can't seem to find other jobs or have little direction in life.

I would love to send you an informational packet and then we can discuss it further.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Mon, 16 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

Just send me the information and I will look at it. If i'm interested, I will contact you. Please do not contact me again.

I waited a bit before I sent my next email. I wanted Mitch to think he got rid of me. He didn't. Watch how suddenly I get his attention.

Date: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 10:47:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
Subject: Re:
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>

I'm terribly sorry to report to you that you failed your background check necessary to be eligible for governmental work. I wish you luck in the future and please contact us when you are employed again so we may a resume repayment schedule on your student loan.

Best regards,

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

How did I "fail" my background check?? I never agreed to any background check.

Date: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 10:47:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
Subject: Re:
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>

When you mentioned how interested you were in working for the U.S governement, I passed your information and they indicated you failed outright. I'm so sorry to hear that. Thankfully, it shouldn't affect you too badly in other industries.

I wish you the best of luck.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

I NEVER once said I was interested in working for the government. Can you please tell me how I failed a background check. I've never been arrested or in trouble. I have no idea why I would fail.

I'm very busy Mr. Stroemeyer but according to my supervisors, recruiters spoke to several of your friends and former teachers as well as an indepth questionaire filled out by your parents. Some questions remained as to whether or not you were doing drugs or dabbling in the occult. Also, after surveying your computer drives, there were volumes of emails sent to China and other areas of Asia. We always have to be worried about Americans being recruited as spys for communist China. Also, there were pornographic images that might indicate some degree of perversion. Look, this isn't my opinion and I'm certainly not judging you. It's just what the report says.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

This is ridiculous and very difficult to believe. Any emails sent to Asia were about gaming or animé. I have a hard time believing you actually broke into my computer.

Date: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 13:24:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com> |
Subject: Re:
To: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com>

Mr. Stroemeyer,

It wasn't just what was on your computer, although that was quite disturbing. There are several criteria that recruiters look for. Your high school girlfriend LeAnn Desartre, who was interviewed several times, said that she totally trusted you and you really let her down. The same was said by one of your goods friends -- a Mr. Todd Alroth. Your parents feel that you are very capable, despite being a loner and a potential loose cannon -- government officials really look at these types of things. Again, I'm sorry.

Ms. Carol Lansing
Senior Agent
U.S. Credit & Collections, Inc.

Date: Tues, 24 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Mitch Stroemeyer" <animxxxxxx@xxx.com> |
To: "Carol Lansing" <CLansing_uscredxxxx@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Re:

This is crazy. I am ending this conversation right now. You have no right to spy on my computer.This is a blatant violation of my privacy and I am considering contacting a lawyer and the news media right now.

Okay, I figured at this point Mitch would would start calling people or confronting his parents and learn the truth. When I received the below note from the father, I felt it was time to let Mitch off the hook and tell him I've been pranking him all along. He wasn't quite as angry when I told him it was time to turn the tables on his father. My loyalty is always to a fellow slacker.

Date: Tues, 24 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Neil Stroemeyer" <n_stroemeyer@xxxxx.com>|
To: "Shizzy" <shizzy@bobfromaccounting.com>
Subject: Re:

Shizzy

I just wanted to update you. Mitch freaked out at me and stormed out of the house. I just played it cool since I haven't spoken to you. I wasn't sure if I should tell him it's a joke yet. What do you think, can I tell him at this point? I haven't told my wife but I'm just loving this. Good work. I'd love to read all the correspondence now.

Neil Stroemeyer

Date: Weds, 25 Aug 2004 13:24:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Shizzy" <shizzy@bobfromaccounting.com> |
Subject: Re:
From: "Neil Stroemeyer" <n_stroemeyer@xxxxx.com>|

Neil,

Yeah, i will forward you all the emails but there is a little problem . I'm not sure if I can use it on the website since Mitch broke off contact with us. As you know, I was pretending to be the government collection agent and attempting to get him to consider joining the military to pay off his loan. Of course he was totally against it and basically told me to fuck off, but then I was trying to "raise the stakes" and I told him that if he didn't agree to some kind of payment schedule or job placement, that we'd have to go after his parents -- since you apparently cosigned his college loan.

I told him we set up a meeting with a local Army recruiter and he needed to go or we would go after you and your wife for money. Then we didn't hear anything, I'm sure everything's fine. Go ahead and tell him he's been pranked just in case he does something stupid.

Shizzy

Date: Thurs, 26 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Neil Stroemeyer" <n_stroemeyer@xxxxx.com>|
To: "Shizzy" <shizzy@bobfromaccounting.com>
Subject: Re:

lol. I'm sure the reason he didn't email you back is because he went to Yosemite with friends from school. Trust me, Mitch would never join the army -- especially with Bush in office. It's one thing we are in total agreement on .

Neil

Watch how fast I freak out Dad. I think he's forgotten he's dealing with a pro.

Date: Fri, 27 Aug 2004 13:24:30 -0700 (PDT)
From:"Shizzy" <shizzy@bobfromaccounting.com>
Subject: Re:
From: "Neil Stroemeyer" <n_stroemeyer@xxxxx.com>|

I'm sure you're right but the problem is I made up some imaginery appointment for Saturday but I actually gave him the address of a the real Army recruiter in Pleasant Hill -- 712 B Contra Costa Blvd Pleasant Hill, CA  94523
925-682-6482 .

I tried to email him to tell him it was all a joke but I think he blocked me on his computer. Just make sure he doesn't go because those Army recruiters can be very very persuasive. I'm a little nervous about this one. I may have gone overboard.

Shizzy

Date: Fri, 27 Aug 2004 20:46:31 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Neil Stroemeyer" <n_stroemeyer@xxxxx.com>|
To: "Shizzy" <shizzy@bobfromaccounting.com>
Subject: Re:

Don't worry. I'm sure he won't go to the appointment. First, he NEVER shows up at any appointment -- that's the problem He's way too lazy to join the military :)

Neil

Date: Sat, 28 Aug 2004 13:24:30 -0700 (PDT)
From:"Shizzy" <shizzy@bobfromaccounting.com>
Subject: Re:
From: "Neil Stroemeyer" <n_stroemeyer@xxxxx.com>|

Okay, well I feel better. As long as you're sure. I'm just worried about it since he did seem eager to pay off the loan and not be a burden to you and your wife. He was actually extremely apologetic and felt really guilty about the whole thing. It made for an extremely unfunny prank. Anyway, sorry I can't use the correspondence but I'll send the whole thing to you. I'm sure someday you can all laugh about it.

Shizzy

I tried calling that recruiting center but nobody is answering. Mitch isn't answering his cell phone either -- I'm sure it's just because he can't get reception at Yosemite, but my wife is screaming at me. She's convinced he lied to us about Yosemite and is on his way to Fort Bragg or whereever. I'm in the doghouse for this one. I'll let you know if I hear anything.

Date: Sat, 28 Aug 2004 13:24:30 -0700 (PDT)
From:"Shizzy" <shizzy@bobfromaccounting.com>
Subject: Re:
From: "Neil Stroemeyer" <n_stroemeyer@xxxxx.com>|

Sure thing. Please let me know.

Shizzy

I need to point out at this time that Mitch NEVER went to Yosemite with his friends. Instead, they hung out in San Francisco drinking and using the "water pipe". This was just the story he told his father and all part of MY MASTER PLAN. Apparently Dad called the best friend who was supposed to also be in Yosemite. The best friend had no idea what Dad was talking about and so Dad (and Mom) freaked. I received one final frantic note before Mitch and I finally spilled the beans.

Date: Sun, 29 Aug 2004 20:01:30 +0200 (MEST)
From: "Neil Stroemeyer" <n_stroemeyer@xxxxx.com>|
To: "Shizzy" <shizzy@bobfromaccounting.com>
Subject: Re:

Shizzy,

I need to speak to you immediately by phone. I need to read that correspondence you had with Mitch. It's now Sunday and he's not in Yosemite and nobody knows where the hell he is. I'm standing outside the army recruiting center in Pleasant Hill but it's closed. Please call me on my cell at 925 943-xxxx ASAP.

My wife has been screaming at me for the last 24 hours. This is a total mess!

Neil Stroemeyer.