Home |
Past Issues |
Bob Jobs |
Who's in Charge |
Mailing List |
Bob Gear |
Copyright Notice For Plagiarists
 

Cruel, Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell

Send all comments or ideas to Shizzy Joyce.


  These are actual emails from actual people. Please forgive us and enjoy!

Hey Peeps,

I think you'll smile when you read this week's correspondence. I began emailing an aspiring male model I located just to see how far he would go for a paying job. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't faze this guy. And trust me I was giving him the full Shizzy treatment. You gotta admire the guy's commitment to his work. I'm sure he'll go far. Peace out.

Shizzy

Date: Mon, 8 Apr 2002 00:02:05 -0700 (PDT) From: "Michael Ockisard" <michae###@yahoo.com|Subject: Possible job for you To: malemode###@yahoo.com

Hi Rodney,

I was browsing the net and I happened to come across your site. I think you would be great for an upcoming photo shoot we are planning. I am heading up the "Men of Summer" team as manager and recruitment advisor. If possible I would like any info you can give me on what you have done and what you charge for a weekend shoot. I hope we can work together!

Thanks,

Mike Ockisard (THAT'S ME, SHIZZY!)

Date: Tue, 9 Apr 2002 16:55:52 -0700 (PDT) From: "male model" <malemode###@yahoo.com> Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "Michael Ockisard" <micha###@yahoo.com>

Hi Michael,

Thanks for the offer. I have done such things as a United Parcel Service "proper work techniques"
brochure with photos, modeling photo shoots, a college student video, a live singing appearance on the TBN Network, just to name a few. What type of video might this be? Adult, Sexy, Comedy, Drama, etc....? I would be very interested in your project. I can't give you a cost until I know more about it. Please tell me more.

Thanks,

Rodney

Date: Tue, 9 APR 2002 17:28:33 -0700 (PDT) From: "Michael Ockisard" <michael###@yahoo.com> | S|ubject: Re: Possible job for you To: "male model" <malemode###@yahoo.com>

Hi Rodney!

I am very glad to hear that you have had some experience in modeling. I think you could be a great addition to our shoot. The "Men Of Summer" shoot will take place sometime in July over a three day period. We are in the process of securing hotel rooms and making other preparations in the Miami area. We will be taking pics of men on the beach and in the water just having fun in the sun! The South Beach area is where we plan to do most of the shoot. I hope you are interested in working with us because we are very interested in you. We would like to know how open you would be to partial nudity and overall sexiness. We actually had a couple of guys tell us they didn't want their pic taken without a shirt. So that's why we have to ask.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Mike

Date: Tue, 9 APR 2002 19:00:42 -0700 (PDT) From: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com> |Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com>

Hi Mike,

Partial nudity and sexiness is ok with me. I do have a few more questions: Is this a private shoot or do you already have clients interested in the photos you will be taking? Is there a contract to sign? Will I be working with female models or is this a male only shoot? I'm looking forward to working with you and would like to talk via phone at some point in time. Sounds like a lot of fun!!!

Thanks, Rodney

Date: Tue, 9 APR 2002 22:57:51 -0700 (PDT) From: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com> |Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com>

Rodney,

We are working for a man named Wilder Bentham who has done some great work with calendars featuring college cheerleaders, pro surfers and pro skaters. He is a bit eccentric but he throws money around like crazy. Apparently he inherited a bunch of money from his parents and he gets off on investing in modeling and swimsuit shoots. He says the idea for "Men of Summer" came to him when he visited the Florida Keys and saw men and women without any inhibitions running around half nude enjoying the sand and the sun. He simply wants to re-create that scene in this shoot. He wants there to be a "Men of Summer" and "Women of Summer" calendar. We do think we have a great bunch of guys to be included in the "Men" shoot. As far as contracts go we can discuss that more in detail later as the shoot gets closer. I would like to give you a call some time next week but would also like to continue this dialogue with you via e-mail until then. I also have some more questions if you don't mind. Can you surf or windsurf? Can you rollerblade? Do you burn easily in the sun? Would you be comfortable lifting weights/running while your picture is being taken? Are you afraid of heights? I thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks Rodney!

Mike

Date: Wed, 10 APR 2002 15:34:59 -0700 (PDT) From: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com> | Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com>

Hi Mike,

Thanks for the answers to my questions. So far everything sounds good. To answer your questions: I haven't tried either surf or windsurfing but would not be afraid to do it. I can rollerblade but I'm not a pro at it. I am not afraid of heights...I have a privet pilots licence, and I would be very comfortable lifting weights/running while my picture is being taken. I don't usually burn easily but planned on doing a few tanning sessions to get a good base. I have one question. I shave and currently have no body hair but can let it grow out if needed. Which do you prefer? Chat with you later.

Thanks,

Rodney

Date: Wed, 10 APR 2002 23:02:42 -0700 (PDT) From: "Michael Ockisard" <michaelo###@yahoo.com> |Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com>

Rodney,

If you are willing to do so, it will probably be asked that you shave almost all of your body hair a couple of days before the shoot. If you can rollerblade without falling that is all we would need you to do. You won't need to do any tricks or anything. There would be an element of danger being that you won't be able to wear pads because you will be wearing a bathing suit. Again, you will only need to skate a few feet at a time. As long as I am mentioning the suit I have to ask how comfortable you would be wearing a thong. We have some guys from Brazil working on the shoot who said they would prefer wearing thongs and that's fine with us. If you would rather not then we will fit you with a standard suit. Also, if you are really daring, Wilder has expressed in interest in photographing some men in drag. If you would be willing to partake in that type of thing let us know. Also, do you have any visible tattoos? If you do it probably won't be a problem. We can air brush out or cover up with makeup most tattoos and/or scars. However if you have a giant dark colored tattoo that might be a problem.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Mike

Date: Thu, 11 APR 2002 17:44:03 -0700 (PDT) From: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com> |Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com>

Hi Mike,

Shaved and a thong is OK with me. I'd have fun in drag. I've attached a couple of photos.

Thanks,

Rodney


SHIZZY NOTE:

OKAY, SO YOU CAN IMAGINE MY SURPRISE (AND DELIGHT) WHEN I GET THESE PHOTOS IN MY MAILBOX. HOLY HOSEBAG, BATMAN!!!

Date: Fri, 12 APR 2002 06:57:00 -0700 (PDT) From: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com> |Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com>

Holy cow! I forwarded your pictures to Wilder and he has already come up with some ideas for your role in the shoot. This is going to sound crazy, but one of the men we will be working with is a dwarf. This guy is a riot. His name is Franco and he's from Argentina. He has been on Jerry Springer and the Howard Stern show and has agreed to be a part of our shoot. Wilder would like to have a shot of you and Franco rollerblading together in wedding attire. You would be in the wedding dress and Franco in a tux. It can go the other way around but we think you would be better suited as the bride. This shoot is going to be insane! If this is a little much to handle and you would like to do something more traditional like volleyball/weightlifting shots we can do that instead and put someone else along side Franco. Hopefully you are still game though.

Talk to you later,

Mike

Date: Fri, 12 APR 2002 16:29:31 -0700 (PDT) From: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com> Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com>

Yes, I would love to do the rollerblading scene. I do both types of modeling both male and female. I hope that these type of photos will be published. Please tell me how you would use the wedding theme and what they might be published in. I would also like to be a part of the volleyball/weightlifting shots. Can I do both the female and male modeling? Again, I would like both my male calendar and female photos published. Sounds like a lot of fun! I have fun while modeling, that's why I do it....... P.S. I don't have any tattoos.

Thanks,

Rodney

Date: Sat, 13 APR 2002 14:01:55 -0700 (PDT) From: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com> |Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com>

Wilder's idea for the calendar is that with each month the photos become more and more outrageous. So, January would be something like a couple of guys playing volleyball and December might be someone chained to a rock in full S and M attire. The theme for the shoot is that over time all inhibitions are lost. Wilder is in London right now with his brother playing polo. He has been sending us faxes and e-mails on what steps to take to get this thing rolling. He seems pleased with our showing of enthusiasm for the project. His latest idea for a shooting theme was pretty out there. He wants there to be five men dressed as "provocative pirates" saluting the American flag. He wants them to have eye patches and and volleyball shorts with a skull and cross bones on them. I don't know where he comes up with this stuff but he's a creative genius. He says he is already in talks to have these calendars sold at all Spencer's locations. As far as having your female pics used in the calendar we will have to wait and see. We will do so many different scenes and try so many things time will only tell what makes it and what will end up on the cutting room floor. Here is a question: Would you be comfortable working with zoo animals such as tigers and tropical birds? One of our creative consultants is working on getting some of these animals to shoot with. Things are getting interesting for sure.

Hope we can make this happen,,

Mike

Date: Sat, 13 APR 2002 17:06:17 -0700 (PDT) From: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com> Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com>

Hi Mike, Your right, this thing is very interesting but I believe exciting. I would have no problems working with zoo animals. I am also OK with whatever happens to the female photos. Is is true to say that at least, my male photos will be used in the calendar?

Excited Model,

Rodney

Date: Sat, 13 APR 2002 23:40:05 -0700 (PDT) From: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com>Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com>

Rodney:

The situation that has now presented itself is what happens when the guy running the show has deep pockets, lots of ideas, and too much to drink. A man described by Wilder as being a London adult publications tycoon, has convinced him that the "Men of Summer" calendar should involve full frontal nudity. Spencer's is out of the picture and there is now talk of having Pink Pony Inc., who are in association with Man-Man publications, distribute the calendar to all major adult bookstores and porn shops. The "Women of Summer" shoot is now on hold and could possibly be scrapped all together. This news has sent the crew in disarray. Some of our staff have quit and we are now in search of new photographers who will replace Sergio Campos' Portuguese team who refuse to work on this type of shoot. An associate of mine has informed me that the dwarf we were going to work with has signed off the project, but he has put us in touch with another midget who is willing to appear nude in the shoot. As far as saying that you will definitely be a part of the shoot I have to now say it is up in the air. I want to stress this is solely because of the lack of structure involved in our pre-production phase and has nothing to do with your ability as a model. You are more qualified and easily more photogenic than the other models we have been in talks with. Given the current situation it is simply premature to give you a definitive "Yes" as to whether your pics will be in the calendar. If you are still interested in doing the shoot which will now apparently involve all of the scenarios we discussed, plus full frontal nudity, then we can continue working out the details until we start production in July. I know this is a lot to swallow, but we are all working hard to make sure this project is beneficial to everyone involved. I appreciate the time you have taken and the patience you have exercised in your dialogue with us.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Mike

Date: Sun, 14 APR 2002 06:36:59 -0700 (PDT) From: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com> Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com>

Hi Mike, Well, here goes....I am kinda disappointed in the latest scenario of things. I've been through this before and know how it works. The man with the money makes the rules. Unfortunately, I have seen that the full nudity shot calendars do not make the most money as far as sells. The calendar for the Spencer Shops would have sold fast and made him a lot of money. I would be willing to do a nude photo layout for a major magazine such as Playgirl but not for a calendar. The reason being is that the Playgirl thing would be a solo "focused" shoot coupled with their strong sales. I hope you understand and keep me in mind if things change. I've enjoyed our chats. Please stay in touch.

Male Model Rodney

SHIZZY NOTE: I WAS TRYING TO END THIS BY NOW, BUT RODNEY DOESN'T CATCH ON SO EASY. I FIGURED THIS LAST LETTER WOULD DO THE TRICK. I WAS WRONG. SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE THIS GUY A JOB!

Date: Sun, 14 APR 2002 16:28:48 -0700 (PDT) From: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com> |Subject: Re: Possible job for you To: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com>

Rodney:

It just so happens that we have connections with Playgirl and we might be able to get you hired as part of their "Men of Enron" layout if you would be willing to do some temp work with Bob From Accounting, Inc. Bob From Accounting is a part of the Enron corporation, so after doing some temp work for them you would then be eligible for the Enron shoot. You would be doing some filing, copying, and coffee making with some of the other interns. How does this sound?

Sincerely,

Mike Ockisard

Date: Sun, 14 APR 2002 16:54:40 -0700 (PDT) From: "male model" <malemodel###@yahoo.com> | |Subject: Thanks To: "Michael Ockisard" <Michael###@yahoo.com>

Hi Mike, Yes, I would be interested in your connection with Playgirl. Can you forward my information to them? I would greatly appreciate it. It has also been a pleasure chatting with you and I hope you keep me in mind for any future work you might have. Good luck with the calendar!

Sincerely,

Rodney

**Ed. Note: Yes, these emails are real. Yes, we change the names. Duh. Except for some spelling and paragraphing cleanup to make them more readable, the emails are exactly as they are sent and received. Anyone attempting to find some kind of "conspiracy" at BFA have even more free time on their hands than Shizzy.

Want more Shizzy? Here ya go.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 78, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29 , 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, >

SEND THIS PAGE TO A FRIEND!

Copyright © 2001-2005 Bob From Accounting/Orange Planet Entertainment, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. That means you too, Mr. Steven Spielberg